Ok, back to what I was saying. As the months rolled by I realized that it was the challenges of raising children that older women referred to as the ‘joy’ of motherhood. Being a new mum isn’t a very cheerful time and every time details of the process are discussed, third parties tend to chuckle and say, “That’s the joy of motherhood”, 'Really?', i always want to retort. How can the following be referred to as joyous? I’ll list a few of them and you’ll be the judge.
1. Sleep deprivation – Even now at six months it’s still an issue. You work so hard during the day taking care of him, doing chores, going back to work/building your career and just when you feel like you need a night break, hubby walks in with the little one to say, 'he woke up because he’s hungry, you need to feed him.' Initially they wake up to eat every 2 or 3 hours but as they grow older, it becomes at least twice a night between 10pm – 5 or 6am. Someone said if your baby doesn’t wake up at night something is wrong. I beg to differ. I’ll be ecstatic if he can only sleep for 8 - 9 hours at a stretch. Let’s not forget also when the baby gets his/her first exposure to the flu virus, cough or in this part of the world, malaria. The pain of watching your baby struggle to breathe or refuse to eat when you know he/she is hungry makes it hard for you, the mother, to sleep. For the first time, you discover that you can actually go for 24hours without sleep and not die.
2. Sore nipples – Some babies have trouble latching on well and that can cause injury to the mother’s nipples. Other times it’s just the amount of stress put on the nipple by using the wrong sized pump or poor method of expressing as well as from continuous feeding. Even when the baby starts growing older and developing teeth, he tends to bite the nipple as though it was the teeth of the feeding bottle; all in an attempt to scratch his gum. No matter the reason for this, it is painful and tend to make mums worry that they’ve contracted an infection (like thrush) that’s why the pain seems not to go away and when they ask for a solution all they are told is keep on breastfeeding, it’ll go away.
3. Puke pen – Every time he wants to regurgitate or he’s over fed, your body becomes his sink. No wonder most mums dress drag and drab when at home. At some stage, babies puke so much that it feels like there is no point trying to dress up or look good. It’s quite annoying when they puke on a dress you just washed and it escapes their own clothing. Sometimes the puke is so much that you conclude its vomit and call the doctor out of fear because you can’t wrap your head around why it’s happening so often. Once the puking phase is over, it is quickly replaced by the biting and spitting stage where your body becomes their chew toy to help relive their itchy gums. Bottom line, your body is no longer yours and they can do with it whatever they want whenever they want.
4. Fatigue – People say mothers who added enormous weight during pregnancy should shape up with exercises. What they don’t know is that caring for an infant is so exhausting that every free time available would rather be spent relaxing or trying to find some ‘me-time’. Naps become glorious and a little time to do what you love to do becomes absolutely necessary so you don’t begin to resent your baby or slump into post postpartum depression that can ruin your relationship with your spouse or other family members. Hollywood mums make it look so easy when they go back to work or photo shoots and show off hot post baby body but they never tell you the amount of help they needed to have in order to work those abs and look so perfect. For some women, their bodies shrink back and by 6months without exercise, their bellies are flat and their bodies great looking. For others, that’s just a dream that by 8months when their strength has returned and the routine of baby is more predictable, they can actually start working out intensively to get their bodies back. While for a minority of women, nothing they ever do can get them back to where they want to be because genetically, their physiological change was bound to happen after a certain age. So exercises will just wear them out, so they have to stick to low impact exercises just to maintain their health but where is the strength to even do that?
5. Change in diet – When babies move from milk to semi solids and solids, it can be very challenging because as a mum you have to cook a variety of foods to find out which the baby likes and acclimatises to. This can be a very stressful time especially when coupled with fatigue. Then you have to worry about keeping all his feeding utensils clean and sterilized so he doesn’t contract an infection in addition to adjusting back to your normal routines and hoping something you fed him with doesn't trigger an allergic reaction. As a mum, especially in Nigeria, delivery means change in your diet also. You move from regular foods to drinking corn custard (aka pap, akamu or ogi as known in our local dialects), hot cocoa tea and pepper soup with dried fish. As long as the meal is hot and liquid or semi liquid, it becomes your best meals for the first one month. Of course you want ice cream and chocolate, after all, you’ve eaten a veggie diet for months to ensure you don’t pack on more pounds than necessary but all that doesn’t count till your breast milk flow is established.
There are lots of things I could whine about that people refer to as the 'joys of motherhood' but in the end, I’ve discovered that it isn’t the trials of raising a child that is the joy of motherhood. It is the experience; the journey both mother and child share as the child comes into his own, that is the joy of motherhood. The ability to watch life develop within you, ticking the check list as your child progresses from one milestone to another as a healthy normal baby. It’s sharing in the wonder and amazement of your child as he/she takes in the world around them, the change the process births in you as a person, the sense of fulfillment you get from life just because one little baby reciprocates your feelings of love and the admiration expressed towards them. It is being part of those precious moments like their first smile, giggles, mouth tricks or even the look on their face when they taste something for the first time; when they discover their limbs, their first words, the deliberate show of intelligence. It is the look in their eyes as they longingly hang on every word you say because they love and trust you. When they grow into adolescents and young adults, it is sharing in their triumphs, comforting them in their moments of weakness, having them look up to you for advice in moments that define their lives, watching them build their own homes and come back to tell you thanks for being there through it all. Yes, these are the true joys of motherhood.
We may not all birth our own kids but we can still experience all these 'joys of motherhood' when we choose to look beyond ourselves and become a blessing to any child in need out there. Motherhood is a blessing and I won’t trade in this experience for the world.
