GOODBYES AND SEE YOU LATERS (fiction)

I wrote this isolated piece a while back.

"I’ve never really been fond of saying goodbyes. I would rather say, “See you later” than to ever say ‘goodbye’. I think the word goodbye has a touch of finality to it. So you can imagine how I felt when my eldest son got married. He’s been my strongest emotional support ever since his father’s death, picking up the slack and becoming the bread winner in his father’s stead. I know he deserves to be happy but with all the plans for the wedding, I could sense this was more of a goodbye that a ‘see you later’ celebration. Don’t get me wrong I love his bride and I wish him the best but as the vows were being read, I had the strangest feeling within to jump up and say something, anything, and nothing in particular, that would not only disrupt the wedding but put an end to it permanently. I realized in that moment I was being selfish. I tearfully clapped as the bride and groom kissed. It was not tears of joy, no, not at all, it was tears of sorrow and a resolute determination to stay away, long enough for me to forget that we had such great moments together as a family. I want to be there for my son but I know I need to know better than give unsolicited advice or expect him to still take care of his siblings like he used to because once his wife gets pregnant and has a baby, he’ll have to spend more money on them. Maybe by then I’ll just become a glorified free baby sitter for them, who knows. I have to stay in the present for now, they are just getting married and after their honeymoon, I’m sure they’ll want to hang out with me on occasion. Oh I’m doing it again; drifting into the future. For now I have to put on a brave face, smile, dance, and rejoice with the newlyweds, tomorrow will take care of itself."

If you were the son, how would you assure your mother that being married wouldn't make you love her any less and that her place will always be in your heart?