Book Lovers Alley

It is not news that I have a Book Review show titled Book Lovers Alley on Youtube's Nimabox Live Channel, a new edutainment TV channel online. One of the reasons I could not say no to this show when it was presented to me was the fact that I needed to reawaken my love for books. Yes, I know, it happens to me too. As a reader, I had gotten sloppy; I found myself reading information shared on social media pages and reading strictly for research purposes to write more articles for other sites where I am a contributing writer. Not to mention trying to increase book sales for my books - The Quilt and Being Mummy and Me as well as being a mother and a wife.

I wanted a compelling reason to justify spending hours lost in reading a good book and basking in the satisfaction of fulfilment that I'm sharpening my fiction writing skills by studying the works of other writers. Not that I need one anyway, my career sort of requires that I do. Lol. I guess it is the pressure to earn passive and active income that makes me feel guilty for spending a lot of time reading. Sometimes everyone needs that extra push to get them back in a corner with a book. As writers, the push is to update ourselves by reading other authors' works. And just like everything else in life, reading has to be deliberate. Life throws so much at us that if we don't force or encourage ourselves to read, then we will lose a part of ourselves that enables us to be improved and open minded.

Another reason this show is important besides giving you that much-needed push to read, is that it helps you decide what books to read. That way you don't spend cash buying a book whose storyline you don't like or whose author's philosophy you don't share. That will totally make you feel like you wasted your cash. By watching this show, you can get value for your money on books you purchase. So far, the books I have shared on the Show are books I read years ago and the more we shoot, the more books I am forced to read. The show covers a wide variety of books from different categories and genre. We have Non-Fiction book reviews on Career/Personal development books and Fiction books from Children's Books to Fantasy, Young Adult, Romance, Thriller, etc. We also review comics and graphic novels on the show too.

So if you have missed any of the shows since it started running, follow these links to find your way back:

Episode 1 - Jeremy Fisher (Children's Book) and A Simple Plan (Thriller)

Episode 2 - Star Dust (Fantasy, Book turned into movie)

Episode 3 - 26 Big Ideas (Personal Development, Non-Fiction)

Episode 4 - Yellow Yellow (Drama, Fiction based on the challenges faced in Nigeria's Niger Delta region)

Episode 5 - Purpose Driven Life (Personal Development, Non-Fiction)

Episode 6 - Nigerian Comics (Fiction)

And Season one isn't done yet. By Season two, we are going to have author interviews and a much-rounded package for you. So stick with us and don't go anywhere. Invite your friends who are fellow book lovers to watch the show and share the videos from YouTube to your social media handles so more people can benefit from it also. If you have books you'd like me to review, you can suggest it and if you are a writer and you'd like me to discuss your book on the show, feel free to reach out to me on any of my social media platforms - Twitter, Facebook and Instagram. But please don't take offence if I can't put your book on the show, I reserve the right to say no because book reading is time intensive. And remember, I do have other jobs to tend to outside the show.

Bottom line, take out time and drop by the Youtube channel and Subscribe so you can get notifications on when to watch the different episodes of my show. It is one great way to renew your desire to read.

Excerpts from Being Mummy and Me [The tales of Motherhood] by Ann Esievoadje

Being Mummy and Me [The tales of Motherhood] is a non-fiction book on motherhood and balancing individuality in different facets of life. Many times women get lost in the identity being a mother create that they forget who they are as individuals. This often makes it difficult for them to adjust when the kids are finally out of the house or if something tragic happens. As women, we need to ensure we never lose sight of the attributes that make us unique as individuals and as spouses to our partners. The book is sprinkled with stories from real parents about real interactions with their children that come across as funny. Hence the addendum, the tales of motherhood.

So for a year now, only a select few have had access to my second book and today, I've decided to share a chapter in it. The chapter I will be sharing today is Chapter Eight: Motherhood and Raising the Kids.
Enjoy:

"A parenting coach (Mr Adeh Jones) once told me, parenting is a reflection of you as a person. The first time I heard it, I thought it was preposterous, but the more I thought about it, the more it became real. I remember telling someone how upset I was that I could not leave my son to do his assignment alone because he would not make any progress; he would keep erasing whatever he writes assuming it is rubbish because it was not perfectly written even though the answer was correct. The person laughed and said I should not be upset because my son was a perfectionist just like me. I was shocked, not because I believe I am a perfectionist but because the more I kept insisting he should write in a particular way rather than just simply encouraging him, I was indirectly teaching him that what he was capable of wasn't good enough. So I had to back down on the need to force his handwriting to be perfect and allow him to scrawl on paper like the three-year-old he was back then. That was when I started believing that how we are as parents does affect how we raise our children. If you are a patient person, you’ll find you are more forgiving with the kids and their tantrums or mishaps, and this becomes the basis of normal behaviour to adapt to for your children. If you are hard on yourself regarding being an overachiever, the tendency that you would want your kids to become like that is equally high. But we have to recognise that children are unique individuals too. Just as we didn’t want our parents hammering at us to conform to their mould of life or perceptions of us, so also we have to learn to ease up on our kids and give them room to be their own individuals.

Of course, that doesn’t mean we should abandon our responsibility of training and guiding them into being responsible individuals who will be a blessing to generations. It just means we should be careful to not view our children as clones of us but as individuals like us as well. When you are aware of who you are, what your values are and why you want certain things to be the standard in the home, you’ll be better equipped to relate to your children and help them as they come to terms with who they are and why they are predisposed to particular preferences. You’ll end up being a role model that inspires rather than one that they place on a pedestal and dare not aspire to become like because you are perceived as too perfect.

True Story: "Mommy, how is baby going to come out?"
I slant my eyes at my son, who would be 6 years old in three months and admit to myself that a Mr Stork answer is definitely out of the question.
"When the time is right God will bring him out." "Will you vomit him?"
"No! My throat is too small for a baby to get through."
"You'll bring him out from the pee pee?"
Quiet sigh. "Yes."
Scrunching up his face, "Won't it pain you?"
"No. God relaxes my tummy and brings baby out 'poop!'"

Another thing to keep in mind when raising children is the fact that having your sense of personal identity doesn’t mean you need to exclude yourself from your kids. It’s not a license to drive everyone away for some peace and quiet till they no longer want to hang out with you or interpret your actions to mean you do not love them. You can introduce the things you love to the kids. For instance, I love to dance. I did a lot of dancing when I was pregnant and when I gave birth, I would sit my son down and dance in front of him (Dancing is one of my ways of staying fit). As soon as he got older, he too began to jump around whenever I danced. I took him to his school’s end of year party and cheered as he broke his shy exterior and began to dance in public.

By sharing activities you love with your kids, you help them see a side of you they would never have come to discover on their own. It frees them to build a friendship with you and creates an atmosphere of trust, communication and honesty. They get to know what makes mummy happy, sad, angry, tired etc. I also love being in God’s presence. I don’t hide to worship or pray, I let my kids see me connect with God. So when my son is taking a bath and feels like singing, he sings a worship song I fell in love with and sang very often when he was younger. He decides at random that he wants to go to church during the week or pray with his dad even though his vocabulary isn’t all that. And I love him more for it."

I hope you enjoyed that preview from my second published (but first non-fiction) book. Hit me up if you would like to get a copy of the ebook.

In other news, today is the launch of Nimabox TV, Whoop, whoop. Nimabox is a new edutainment channel on Social Media featuring a wide array of shows from Football live, to Tech files, Culture Clan, Igboro and so much more. I am elated to be part of this crew. Please follow all Nimabox media channels online and subscribe to Nimabox on YouTube to catch all these great shows. You can find Nimabox on Twitter, Facebook, Instagram (@nimaboxlive) and on Youtube.

The big reveal of my show "Book Lovers Alley" is Tomorrow. I am nervous and excited at the same time. Do let me know your thoughts on the pilot episode when you watch it. Feedbacks are an excellent way to help anyone get better at anything they are doing. So please give a shout out when you do see it okay? Till then, remember: "Life is short. The onus is on us to make the moments count!" - Quote by Ann Esievoadje.

Celebrating the 4th of July

Happy Independence Day America! Greetings to my ever faithful readers in the USA. As you guys celebrate the democratic birth of your nation over 240years ago, I would like to use this day to commemorate a woman who stirred in me the passion for national reformation, whose birthday happens to actually be today. Her name is Dr Joe Odumakin.

I recently did a piece on her for Connect Nigeria which will be posted soon, and I was reminded again just how blessed we are to have a humble, dedicated and vigorous woman fighting for the cause of female liberties, justice and good governance in our country. I remember the first time I heard her speak; it challenged me to start paying closer attention to National issues and how I could use my gift of writing to make a difference in Nation building. I ran up to her after the program to not only have a picture of her but to volunteer my blog to be used to spread communique on any subject she deems fit to rally behind. As with all busy people, our communication stopped after a few emails. But the seeds she sowed in my heart forced me to ask myself critical questions like, am I ready to die for the cause of a better Nigeria?

These days we have so many social media activists in Nigeria, but when push comes to shove, everyone gets tongued tied because only a few have what it takes to endure what Dr Joe has endured in the fight for a better Nigeria. Only when you are willing to fight selflessly for a cause can you truly admit that you are dedicated to that cause. So here are some nuggets of truth I picked up from her life story when I was done researching on her:

1. Own a cause - There is a lot wrong with the world we live in today. Colin Tomlin’s book, Your A-Z for Growth, mentions having a cause as one of the prerequisites for personal growth/maturity. When you commit yourself to being the solution to any of the many challenges the world faces, you become fulfilled and a master at something. You don’t have to be the one in the streets leading the protests if you can’t handle the consequences of such actions from powers that be. You can help a cause by giving your time, money or skill. Support those who are doing what you would love to do and stay committed to them. You don’t have to solve an institutional or systematic wrong alone; start little by sensitising others, building a team of people as passionate about the cause as you are and start working on doable solutions to the problems. Look around you, who can you help? Take action, and like little drops of water that make a mighty ocean, you will find yourself championing a cause.

2. Have a stable source of income - There is a lot we would love to do to make our lives more meaningful. Like committing to an NGO or religious organisation, going on business trips or vacations abroad, getting recognition for our skills or enterprise. But all that cannot happen if we are broke. We need to be financially empowered to live out our dreams. To do so, you need to have the right education. Books are a powerful tool for mental transformation. So read widely, both what you like and what you don’t like for examples, history, memorandums, biographies, articles on specialist fields like medicine, computing, etc. Also, Study in the field of your interests, learn soft skills, stay hungry and be ready to work without making excuses.

3. Marry the right person - There is a school that believes no one is Mr or Mrs Right, but it's a known fact that there are factors to consider before tying yourself to any one individual in the bonds of marriage. One of which is having a spouse that supports your vision or passion. One who is willing to give you room to achieve the lofty heights you need to attain in life for your own personal fulfilment. Someone who understands what makes you tick and can help you resolve any issues or obstacles that can stand in your way of achieving your dreams. Also, make out time to treat that person special. Find their love language and reciprocate as often as you can. Nothing encourages a spouse as much as gratitude and mutual respect.

4. Have Mentors - It’s not enough to admire people from books or from a distance. You need to have physical mentors. People who will guide you in decision making, push you to give your best, throw you curve balls to overcome and stand with you both in public and private. The mentor does not necessarily need to be in your field of interest. They could be people who dared to do things by working with principles that will give you the result you need for your endeavours. People whose lives have the fruit and result you want in yours and are willing to dedicate the time to inspire you to become just that. A lot of people want to be called a coach and have people kiss up to them in their charge, but the proof of a real mentor is one who will continue to follow your progress, being actively involved even when the purpose for your union has long expired. I’m sure if I had more time, I would have said a lot more. It’s good to have someone to look up to. They may not be perfect or do things right all the time, but just being there gives you the strength to persist in your battles. Likewise, be such an inspiration to others around. As we all play our part, we will see a change in our world. Once again, Happy Birthday America and Happy Birthday Dr Josephine Obiajulu Okei-Odumakin.

#HallelujahChallenge

I've been a fan of Nathaniel Bassey's Music since I first heard him minister in Benin City five years ago. I was part of the choir that backed him up during some of his ministrations even though it was our church's show then. Don't bother looking for me in the picture; you won't see me - a black girl wearing black tends to fade behind lead backup singers. LOL. Anyway, I remember being so moved by it that all I could think about was heaven and being as far removed from the troubles of this world. Fast forward to last year during The Experience 11th edition hosted by House on The Rock. Although Nathaniel Bassey was visibly absent, foreign ministers like Micah Stampley and Donnie McCklurkin, couldn't help crooning his songs because they resonated with the vast crowd of believers gathered to worship.

Based on The Experience, it should come as no surprise that Nigerians are currently trending on social media with the one-hour midnight praise for 30 days (also known as the #HallelujahChallenge) initiated by Nathaniel Bassey which commenced on June 1st. But the one thing that seems to be standing out is not just the number or range of people turning up at midnight to sing praises to God for an hour; it is the ripple effect that it's making waves. Such as:

1. The numerous instant miracles and testimonies that began to pour in from people who participated.

2. The multiple mentions on social media (Statistics from Evolve Press: 10,000 posts with the hashtag "#HallelujahChallenge" and over 18,000 with the hashtag "#olowogbogboro") making it highly trendy in Nigerian and now globally with a mention from CNN.

3. The backlash (There is word going around that the movement was attacked on social media by a journalist, and there's been some outrage. But we'll come to that in a bit.)

4. The increasing number of News/blog reviews on the movement.

5. The genuine hunger for people to see God move in our Nation at a time where hate speeches and sectionalisation threatens to harm our national unity.

6. The building of a habit of spending time in praise and worship of the creator which in turn leaves participants spiritually fulfilled and positive minded mentally which is a good thing since the ease of falling into depression seems to be on the rise in the country and worldwide these days.

*This list will most likely increase by the end of the month, so it is not comprehensive.*

This is what I call a dream seed.

When the #HallelujahChallenge publicity started on Instagram, May 31st, I doubt Nathaniel Bassey had any inkling just how intense this would be, even though from one of the numerous pages attached to him, there is talk of how it's a manifestation of God's promise, "If you remember, We declared that THIS MONTH, God would do things in people's lives that will make GLOBAL headlines. Now, this is just a prophetic sign for you all. I repeat, what God is set to do in your lives SHALL MAKE GLOBAL HEADLINES in JESUS' name. Amen.THE OLOWOGBOGBORO himself(JESUS CHRIST) Goes Global." He's had to assign a worship session he missed while in flight in the US for RCCG convention to another worshiper to handle just to keep the momentum going.

This dream of sharing his worship time with the world via live streaming based on an instruction from God was a seed that has grown to touch lots of lives and will continue to do so till the challenge is over. Heck, it will even help build a culture of seeking to praise God among people so disillusioned and sure that God doesn't care for humanity anymore.

Famed Media Personality, Joy Isi Bewaji, tried to jump in on the action by raising another train of thought that should get Christians planning towards doing more than just 'feeling good' after communing with God and got tongue lashed seriously for her seeming insensitivity. Although she had a point, her comments were a bit ill-timed. If it had come at the end of the challenge or maybe if it was written without reference to the #HallelujahChallenge it might have been better welcomed.

The truth is, we all have a dream for a better Nigeria. And one thing our faith in God does is boost our confidence that we are more than capable of achieving it. When we reach out to God in worship, God reaches down to us with revelations and key insights on how we can succeed. And since God needs our praises more than our prayers, he always sends blessings our way through other human beings who make themselves willing vessels for his leading. If anything, a great nation is built by the combined working of all our dreams. If we all acted on our dreams and passions as much as we struggle with the current accepted norm, we would all have a better Nigeria.

Like I said earlier, this challenge is a dream seed. God might be a miracle worker but after the miracle, what next? We've all got to make him proud of us by doing what we know we can to make "His Kingdom Come, and His Will be Done" in Nigeria. Earth is our domain; it's up to us to live up to God's expectation of us which includes being hard working and resourceful to ensure his mandate for humanity is fulfilled.

So join in the #HallelujahChallenge. I know I will tonight. And watch God move beyond our limits to help make our dreams a possibility. When the challenge is over, get up and work like never before to ensure 'His Dream' of Righteousness, Peace and Joy in the Holy Ghost for our nation comes true (not joy in our wealth, success or personal pride).

Thank you, Minister Nathaniel Bassey for heeding God's call upon your life and opening the doors of heaven for God's mighty outstretched hands to remind us that we are not alone in our journey on planet Earth.

HAIR WORLD HISTORY

Fixing Cornrows with Attachments, French Braids, Weave-on and Dreads have become a vital part of the modern day African woman’s fashion. Even with chemical relaxers, hot combs and straightening or curling irons, most women can’t do without fixing their hair at least once a month.

Braiding which is actually the intertwining of strands of hairs into a complex structure or pattern overlapping a mass of other hairs, can either be done close to the scalp or loosely from the scalp. Long ago, People braided for different reasons such as to show distinction in religion, kinship, status, age, cosmetic adornment and ethnicity or cultural preferences. These days, it’s done mostly to change up one’s look without causing permanent damage to one’s hair. But this is not a new trend brought to Africa from the West. Hair plaiting is one whose roots are steeped in Africa. In doubt? Check out the cornrows on any Nigerian Nok terracotta artwork which dates as far back as 500BC.

History has it that those ancient wall murals or Stone Age paintings – artworks like the Sphinx – in Egypt and Algeria (Tassili Plateau in the Sahara to be exact) which dates back to 3500BC show early Africans wearing their hair in plaits. This is not to say people in Europe or America didn’t also have evidence of their hairstyles then.

Take the Native Americans (aka Red Indians) for instance. It’s safe to say that before the arrival of the Europeans to North America, the Red Indians had their hairstyles. It was usually divided from the centre of their head and braided to the sides with feathers, beads or ribbons from deerskins either at the tip or at the spot where the tip was looped into the loose segment of their hair.

The ancient Celtics, inhabitants of today’s British Isles and Western Europe, as far back as 750BC wore braids. Those of noble blood or heritage wore elaborate hairstyles while folks from the lower class wore theirs simply for functional work purposes. The Greeks and Romans are not left out in the use of braids especially the Flavian and Antonine era where with the likes of the Spartans and Greek goddesses show evidence of its use as early as 79 -192CE. Although, they had more elaborate up-dos which involved crescent-shaped wireframes cascading with curls in the front, and divided, braided sections at the back.

Even Chinese men at a point in time (actually it was during their imperial dynasty’s last days, the reign of the Qing dynasty (1644 – 1912)), were mandated to wear their hair in braided pigtails and hide it under a ‘queue’ or be accused of treason. Don’t forget dreadlocks which the Jamaicans made famous, even though the first examples of such was seen in North Africa or among Maasai men from Kenya as far back as 15th century.

So you see, braiding is a universal concept even though proof of its origin lies in Africa. Braiding is not exclusive to natural hair, the use of Hair extensions or artificial hair integrations go way back to the source of braiding. Egyptians were known for wearing fringed wigs with braided and adorned strands hanging out from it. While in the Edwardian era, they were used to create pompadour hairstyles and elaborate ‘Apollo Knots’. By 1940s and 1950s more natural styles of hair weave returned and later in 1990s Asians learned how to mass produce them, and they became commonplace throughout the 21st century.

Braiding is also not exclusive to women only. History is full of men both modern and ancient who braided their hair from historical figures to athletes and musicians representing the hip hop culture.

Now you know the history behind plaited hair, feel free to use whatever style fits your face frame and express your personality more aptly.

Fostering teamwork among kids in the home

Toddlers are never too young to learn about teamwork. I have a baby who is almost two years old, and when we have tasks to do, I try to engage him to give him that feeling of inclusion. It starts with little chores around the house like putting the shoes in the shoe rack or the toys in the toy box while mummy is busy sweeping the parlour or folding the freshly washed clothes from the laundry basket. As a mother, I know that keeping the house clean is a team effort.

Teamwork is all about harmonising team members’ strengths to achieve a common goal. It is a necessary skill for getting along with others outside the home and becoming a success in one’s career. However, it’s not right to leave the teaching of teamwork to educational institutions. The home is the first place where important, personal values that are beneficial to the society as a whole must be learned. And when everyone in the home pitches in, it makes the burden of running the home so much more easily managed.

Teaching teamwork to kids is important because they get to learn listening skills, how to communicate effectively, respect for other people’s values/opinion, it builds their confidence, gives them a sense of ownership in a shared vision, teaches them how to productively resolve conflict, and how to mentor or be mentored.

Here are some team building activities to engage in:

1. Playing indoor team building games such as working on an art and crafts project like doing a painting or making useful objects. Just watch Art Attack on Disney Jnr channel for ideas on crafts to do with kids. Others include fixing a puzzle, playing hide and seek, juggling balloons, playing board games, etc.

2. Working on family projects like planning a trip together or deciding on how to spend recreation times, trying to keep the house clean, embarking on reading challenges, etc.

3. Engaging in outdoor fun sports or games like blindfold obstacle games, egg racing relay, etc.

Participating in team building activities help to show if there is a trust gap in the team; if everyone is on the same page about what is expected of them. It also frees children to question the order of things and think individually for themselves when they see the outcome of their decisions with regards to the suggestions offered by others. For instance, when you tell children, don’t do this; they want to find out for themselves why. When they discover it was not beneficial in any way, they become willing to listen to reason and obey. I talk to my son like he is an adult; I explain why we do things, so he understands that he has a responsibility to carry out and has to be accountable as well.

Let’s intentionally build the next generation starting from home.

This article was inspired by a future project.

WHAT’S LOVE GOT TO DO WITH IT?

From the name of my blog, I’m sure you’ve expected to hear me talk extensively about relationships and other matters. But when you look through my blog posts and the categories I write on, it seems the latter has taken over the former. That’s not really the case. I’m no expert on relationships because to understand them, you must understand human behaviour, the fact that everyone is different and their expression of love varies. So rather than write on the subject of love, I decided to write about my love for issues like movies, writing/books, the state of my nation, caring for animals, etc.

So today, I’ll put a bit on that topic: Love.

What is love?
I am not going to philosophise and tell you what I’ve read in a book. The chances are that you’ve read that book too. Lol. So this is straight from Me to You.
Love is a nature, one characterised by caring, giving, sharing, selflessness, patience and all the awesome virtues that are above our comprehension. It is also a conscious decision to hold someone in high regard while expressing all those virtues and deep emotions to him/her.

Is love forever?
That’s a bit tricky. The nature of love is eternal but how we choose to embrace it is conditional. If we do not decide to embody love at all times, the chances are that we would soon find ourselves out of love. Hence the prevalence of the heart-breaking/confusing phrase, “I love you, but I’m not in love with you.”

What’s falling in love?
I believe it is the process of loving someone. It’s not infatuation which presents itself as love at first sight or sexual lust which is only finding someone sexually attractive. Love is more subtle than that. It sneaks up on you. Everything the person does end up making you feel drawn to them in an inexplicable way, leaving you wanting the best for them even if it means not being with you.

Can you love more than one person at a time?
Yes! Oops, I can hear the sirens going off and some people about to chew my head off. The truth is as unique as everyone is, there is someone else out there who is just like you (character wise); but due to different factors that influence their mentality in the course of their upbringing, they tend to be slightly different from you. And if a particular character trait is what draws you to someone and you find someone else who shares the same traits, chances are you will fall in love with them too.

So how can we stay true to loving one person?
I’m glad you asked. Once again, love has to be a conscious decision. You have to settle it within yourself that for the long haul, this is who you want to spend the rest of your life with. Then you have to choose to look no further. Don’t focus on the faults of the one you love while looking at the strengths of another who bears the same character traits. Compliment the one you love, help their inadequacies and work to see them become better persons because of you in their lives.

Love is a complex phenomenon.

Do you have a contrary opinion to the above questions? Please share in the comment section, let’s learn together.