How to love your children

The mind of a child is like a blank slate; one that gets filled with recurrent observations and influences. As grownups, we tend to study each other’s love language and then choose different expressions of love that we know is valued by the people we surround ourselves with. For children, their initial form of communication is crying and throwing feats. Giving them comfort and being able to understand or interpret what they cannot express in words becomes proof of our love for them.

As the child grows older, their communication skills improve and they begin to interpret what we adults do as signs that we love them. For toddlers, giving them attention and spending time with them become the definition of love for them. In a busy world like ours where ‘time is money’, how can we show children just how loved they are? Below are a few of the ways:

1. Listen to them – While inquisitive children like to ask questions, others just enjoy the sound of their own voice and want to do what they see parents doing everyday i.e. talking. When your children come to you, listen to what they are saying and talk back to them about what you heard. It’ll make them feel important and build their confidence; it also increases their ability to trust you with information about anything.

2. Make out time to play with them and always be available everyday - you’ll notice how often they want you to be involved in anything they do. Even when they are playing, if they love you, they’ll try to include you in it. Even when they grow older, create family activities that allow you to interact with them physically. Knowing parents are available and reachable also makes it easier for them to spend quality time with you thereby getting to know you as a person and enabling them to learn from you.

3. Talk to them, ask questions – taking time out to ask questions about their day and their life, lets them know you are interested in their affairs. If their answers are vague, dig deeper until they are willing to confide in you about struggles and challenges they face. If they choose to stonewall, let them know you are there for them and ever willing to listen and give wise counsel.

4. Don’t give into their every demand – most times children don’t know what is best for them. Protect them even from themselves. If they give in to bouts of crying because they want sweets, give them only one and tell them that’s all they are getting, no matter how hard they scream and cry. Distract them with anything else and when that desire of sweet is replaced by another like playing with a relative, a toy or watching their favourite program on TV, they’ll soon forget why they were crying. Once they’ve stopped crying, explain to them why you didn’t give them what they asked for. By doing so, you’ll end up teaching them an important lesson which is, not everything want in life is in our best interest.

Whatever you do, be careful around children because they watch everything you say and do and that becomes the basis of their understanding of life. Even if you show them love, if you don’t show love to everyone else around you, soon enough the depth of your love for them will be questioned as they grow older and before you know it, the rebellion and withdrawal stages will become manifested. The golden rule of life still applies to children, ‘love your neighbours as yourself’.