So for a year now, only a select few have had access to my second book and today, I've decided to share a chapter in it. The chapter I will be sharing today is Chapter Eight: Motherhood and Raising the Kids.
Enjoy:
"A parenting coach (Mr Adeh Jones) once told me, parenting is a reflection of you as a person. The first time I heard it, I thought it was preposterous, but the more I thought about it, the more it became real. I remember telling someone how upset I was that I could not leave my son to do his assignment alone because he would not make any progress; he would keep erasing whatever he writes assuming it is rubbish because it was not perfectly written even though the answer was correct. The person laughed and said I should not be upset because my son was a perfectionist just like me. I was shocked, not because I believe I am a perfectionist but because the more I kept insisting he should write in a particular way rather than just simply encouraging him, I was indirectly teaching him that what he was capable of wasn't good enough. So I had to back down on the need to force his handwriting to be perfect and allow him to scrawl on paper like the three-year-old he was back then. That was when I started believing that how we are as parents does affect how we raise our children. If you are a patient person, you’ll find you are more forgiving with the kids and their tantrums or mishaps, and this becomes the basis of normal behaviour to adapt to for your children. If you are hard on yourself regarding being an overachiever, the tendency that you would want your kids to become like that is equally high. But we have to recognise that children are unique individuals too. Just as we didn’t want our parents hammering at us to conform to their mould of life or perceptions of us, so also we have to learn to ease up on our kids and give them room to be their own individuals.
Of course, that doesn’t mean we should abandon our responsibility of training and guiding them into being responsible individuals who will be a blessing to generations. It just means we should be careful to not view our children as clones of us but as individuals like us as well. When you are aware of who you are, what your values are and why you want certain things to be the standard in the home, you’ll be better equipped to relate to your children and help them as they come to terms with who they are and why they are predisposed to particular preferences. You’ll end up being a role model that inspires rather than one that they place on a pedestal and dare not aspire to become like because you are perceived as too perfect.
True Story: "Mommy, how is baby going to come out?"
I slant my eyes at my son, who would be 6 years old in three months and admit to myself that a Mr Stork answer is definitely out of the question.
"When the time is right God will bring him out." "Will you vomit him?"
"No! My throat is too small for a baby to get through."
"You'll bring him out from the pee pee?"
Quiet sigh. "Yes."
Scrunching up his face, "Won't it pain you?"
"No. God relaxes my tummy and brings baby out 'poop!'"
Another thing to keep in mind when raising children is the fact that having your sense of personal identity doesn’t mean you need to exclude yourself from your kids. It’s not a license to drive everyone away for some peace and quiet till they no longer want to hang out with you or interpret your actions to mean you do not love them. You can introduce the things you love to the kids. For instance, I love to dance. I did a lot of dancing when I was pregnant and when I gave birth, I would sit my son down and dance in front of him (Dancing is one of my ways of staying fit). As soon as he got older, he too began to jump around whenever I danced. I took him to his school’s end of year party and cheered as he broke his shy exterior and began to dance in public.
By sharing activities you love with your kids, you help them see a side of you they would never have come to discover on their own. It frees them to build a friendship with you and creates an atmosphere of trust, communication and honesty. They get to know what makes mummy happy, sad, angry, tired etc. I also love being in God’s presence. I don’t hide to worship or pray, I let my kids see me connect with God. So when my son is taking a bath and feels like singing, he sings a worship song I fell in love with and sang very often when he was younger. He decides at random that he wants to go to church during the week or pray with his dad even though his vocabulary isn’t all that. And I love him more for it."
I hope you enjoyed that preview from my second published (but first non-fiction) book. Hit me up if you would like to get a copy of the ebook.
In other news, today is the launch of Nimabox TV, Whoop, whoop. Nimabox is a new edutainment channel on Social Media featuring a wide array of shows from Football live, to Tech files, Culture Clan, Igboro and so much more. I am elated to be part of this crew. Please follow all Nimabox media channels online and subscribe to Nimabox on YouTube to catch all these great shows. You can find Nimabox on Twitter, Facebook, Instagram (@nimaboxlive) and on Youtube.
The big reveal of my show "Book Lovers Alley" is Tomorrow. I am nervous and excited at the same time. Do let me know your thoughts on the pilot episode when you watch it. Feedbacks are an excellent way to help anyone get better at anything they are doing. So please give a shout out when you do see it okay? Till then, remember: "Life is short. The onus is on us to make the moments count!" - Quote by Ann Esievoadje.
