Tuesday, May 9, 2017

Fostering teamwork among kids in the home


Toddlers are never too young to learn about teamwork. I have a baby who is almost two years old, and when we have tasks to do, I try to engage him to give him that feeling of inclusion. It starts with little chores around the house like putting the shoes in the shoe rack or the toys in the toy box while mummy is busy sweeping the parlour or folding the freshly washed clothes from the laundry basket. As a mother, I know that keeping the house clean is a team effort.

Teamwork is all about harmonising team members’ strengths to achieve a common goal. It is a necessary skill for getting along with others outside the home and becoming a success in one’s career. However, it’s not right to leave the teaching of teamwork to educational institutions. The home is the first place where important, personal values that are beneficial to the society as a whole must be learned. And when everyone in the home pitches in, it makes the burden of running the home so much more easily managed.

Teaching teamwork to kids is important because they get to learn listening skills, how to communicate effectively, respect for other people’s values/opinion, it builds their confidence, gives them a sense of ownership in a shared vision, teaches them how to productively resolve conflict, and how to mentor or be mentored.


Here are some team building activities to engage in:

1. Playing indoor team building games such as working on an art and crafts project like doing a painting or making useful objects. Just watch Art Attack on Disney Jnr channel for ideas on crafts to do with kids. Others include fixing a puzzle, playing hide and seek, juggling balloons, playing board games, etc.

2. Working on family projects like planning a trip together or deciding on how to spend recreation times, trying to keep the house clean, embarking on reading challenges, etc.

3. Engaging in outdoor fun sports or games like blindfold obstacle games, egg racing relay, etc.

Participating in team building activities help to show if there is a trust gap in the team; if everyone is on the same page about what is expected of them. It also frees children to question the order of things and think individually for themselves when they see the outcome of their decisions with regards to the suggestions offered by others. For instance, when you tell children, don’t do this; they want to find out for themselves why. When they discover it was not beneficial in any way, they become willing to listen to reason and obey. I talk to my son like he is an adult; I explain why we do things, so he understands that he has a responsibility to carry out and has to be accountable as well.

Let’s intentionally build the next generation starting from home.

This article was inspired by a future project.

Friday, April 28, 2017

WHAT’S LOVE GOT TO DO WITH IT?

From the name of my blog, I’m sure you’ve expected to hear me talk extensively about relationships and other matters. But when you look through my blog posts and the categories I write on, it seems the latter has taken over the former. That’s not really the case. I’m no expert on relationships because to understand them, you must understand human behaviour, the fact that everyone is different and their expression of love varies. So rather than write on the subject of love, I decided to write about my love for issues like movies, writing/books, the state of my nation, caring for animals, etc.

So today, I’ll put a bit on that topic: Love.


What is love?
I am not going to philosophise and tell you what I’ve read in a book. The chances are that you’ve read that book too. Lol. So this is straight from Me to You.
Love is a nature, one characterised by caring, giving, sharing, selflessness, patience and all the awesome virtues that are above our comprehension. It is also a conscious decision to hold someone in high regard while expressing all those virtues and deep emotions to him/her.

Is love forever?
That’s a bit tricky. The nature of love is eternal but how we choose to embrace it is conditional. If we do not decide to embody love at all times, the chances are that we would soon find ourselves out of love. Hence the prevalence of the heart-breaking/confusing phrase, “I love you, but I’m not in love with you.”

What’s falling in love?
I believe it is the process of loving someone. It’s not infatuation which presents itself as love at first sight or sexual lust which is only finding someone sexually attractive. Love is more subtle than that. It sneaks up on you. Everything the person does end up making you feel drawn to them in an inexplicable way, leaving you wanting the best for them even if it means not being with you.


Can you love more than one person at a time?
Yes! Oops, I can hear the sirens going off and some people about to chew my head off. The truth is as unique as everyone is, there is someone else out there who is just like you (character wise); but due to different factors that influence their mentality in the course of their upbringing, they tend to be slightly different from you. And if a particular character trait is what draws you to someone and you find someone else who shares the same traits, chances are you will fall in love with them too.

So how can we stay true to loving one person?
I’m glad you asked. Once again, love has to be a conscious decision. You have to settle it within yourself that for the long haul, this is who you want to spend the rest of your life with. Then you have to choose to look no further. Don’t focus on the faults of the one you love while looking at the strengths of another who bears the same character traits. Compliment the one you love, help their inadequacies and work to see them become better persons because of you in their lives.


Love is a complex phenomenon.

Do you have a contrary opinion to the above questions? Please share in the comment section, let’s learn together.

Wednesday, March 29, 2017

Talking Movies


As March bids us farewell, I just have to speak of some movies with very compelling narratives starring women as the lead characters.


1. Joy – For weeks last year after it’s official release in America, this film sat on my laptop, but I'm glad I decided to watch it around the period where we celebrated the international women's day last year because this film spoke to me in different ways. It's the tale of a woman's rise in the world of entrepreneurship. The risks she took, the sacrifices she was willing to make, the discouragement from people and life as well as the disappointment from trusting those she loved. Seeing her sit idle, watching the discussions around her, made the character feel so real/down to earth because it was unlike the image of business savvy women that the world paints as the criteria to succeed in business. It showed the process of learning on the job while being determined to see your creation come to life. Released in 2015 and deemed as comedy Drama (genre), I found little to laugh about because of the nature of the subject matter. Despite being inspired by the actual story of Joy Mangano’s rise to success, there were deviations from the real story such as the fact that she didn't give up her education and she met her husband at the University (Pace University) where she studied Business. Her degree, however, didn't translate into immediate success for her as she still had to work low-end jobs as depicted in the film till she invented the mop. If you are a woman looking to go into entrepreneurship, you’ll enjoy this movie.


2. Room - Usually I judge a film by the first 5 minutes, and as I began this film, I was bored and wondered what the movie had to show that it extended to a full 113minutes (i.e. 1hr 53mins) but for some weird reason, I kept on watching. By 20minutes into the film, I had judged the characters as a prostitute with a child depending on a pimp for survival. An hour into the movie, I was in tears. I was so wrong about this film. This 2015 drama genre was suspenseful and harrowing as it touched on the subject matter of abduction - live in captivity and life afterwards. The trauma was so real that I could hardly believe it was a screen adaptation of a novel bearing the same name as the film, written by Emma Donoghue. It told the tale of a mother's love, how a child could save a mother from herself emotionally by giving her the will to live, it showcased the innocence of a child in the most traumatic situation. When I decide to watch it, I had no idea what the ratings or critics reviews of the movie were. It was kind of interesting to find out that though it didn't do so well in box office upon its release, the number of Award nominations for the film boosted its gross earnings. Made on a $13million budget, it went from a little above $5million after its release in October 2015 showing in 198 theatres to over $14 million in North America and $35million worldwide by April 2016. It ended up winning multiple awards and earning the reputation among critics as one of the best films released in 2015.


3.Hidden Figures - I have some friends who are committed to watching latest movies on a weekly basis, and when they saw this biopic released in December 2016, that was all they could talk about for weeks. When I finally got my hands on this movie, I could understand why. Hidden Figures tell the tale of three African American women who worked at NASA at a time where racial equality was a big deal for the black race. They fought for opportunities using their intelligence/skill and caused a change in their circumstances through unconventional means. Though the movie is a departure from the book (which was a non-fiction piece with the same name), the sensationalised parts brought with it a heightened effect of the triumph of these women. For instance, Katherine Goble/Johnson in real life didn't take 40mins break off work to use the ladies room daily. Neither did Mary Jackson go to a night white only class to earn her engineering degree, she simply asked the city of Hampton, Virginia for an exemption and was granted even though the school ran two parallel systems. Mary Jackson did finish her course, earning her engineering degree and got promoted. Also, Katherine didn't get a one-time opportunity to be part of the editorial meetings because that one meeting was most important, she had to persevere before she got into that circle of planners. These differences do not take away from the film in the least. It is still a powerful movie which I'd advise anyone to watch.


4. Queen of Katwe - A real testament to the strength of a mother's love and the power of holding on to virtue. I know my focus should have been on the journey of the 11year old Ugandan chess champ, Phiona, but I couldn't take my eyes off her mother, Harriet, whose character was played by Lupita Nyong'o. Life dealt her a hard blow, she went from being loved and protected to being widowed and struggling to survive, but she didn't let that dampen her spirit. She did all she could to ensure her children were educated and given the best possible chance in life if they chose the path laid out for them. Yes, she had a black sheep of a daughter, but all just goes to show that our champ's life could have easily swung the other way had she not determined to make something meaningful of her life despite her family background. I could feel the rising discontent Phiona must have felt when she experienced better living conditions. It ate at her for a while, but she turned that pain into a zeal to excel. This film stood out because although it had the typical Disney happy ending, it showed a side of life not usually identified with by Disney and that is a star#'s rise from abject poverty in Africa.

All ordinary women, who were moved to do the impossible according to the dictates of the standard of life familiar to them. These films go to show that nothing is impossible if you put your mind to it, you'll find that hard work and determination do pay off and being a woman should not be seen as a limitation. Make use of what you have, strive to be the best version of yourself, and you'll be a reference point to the world someday.

Monday, March 20, 2017

Happy International Day of Happiness!




March 20th was declared the International Day of Happiness by United Nations General Assembly on June 28, 2012, to recognise the pursuit of happiness by humanity. Great religious leaders and philosophers have all postulated the ways in which one can achieve equilibrium in contentment and the drive to be happy.

So how do we celebrate happiness today?

1. Give free hugs all day.

2. Volunteer to provide services like washing dishes for a restaurant or waiting on people who take their order.

3. Pay for someone else's meal.

4. Organise or attend an interactive seminar that is geared towards improving your well-being and that of others like improving how you meditate, sing, smile, etc.

5. Spread joy to others by spreading messages of laughter

6. Make a personal pledge to help make society happier for all.



In the end, it's not a day of self-centredness but an opportunity to give back. I know today is almost over but now you know, you can prepare better for next year's celebration. For now, let Pharrell William's 'Happy' be your anthem as you dance around/play and be happy today.

Tuesday, March 14, 2017

Celebrating Women



Last week the world celebrated International Women’s Day but how much of women’s rights and accomplishments were truly celebrated? On facebook, a lot of my contacts were putting up pictures of their mothers to celebrate them for their impact in their lives. Err… wrong! That you can do on Mothers’ Day. March 8th was specifically set apart by United Nations in 1975 to celebrate the achievements of women globally and find solutions to the challenges facing women. Challenges such as gender-based discrimination in the workplace, violence against women, poor access to education for the girl child and all round issues of inequality.

Gender inequality is so important because it affects everyone; not just the home but society at large. United Nation’s Development Project (UNDP) did a report and estimated a total of $95 billion US Dollars is lost every year since 2010 by sub-Saharan Africa due to issues of gender inequality. The fight to reduce gender inequality can lead to a productive growth in society as well as a more economically viable society for us all. This is especially good news for Nigeria who is currently struggling to get out of recession and build a united nation for its people. We have to be deliberate about women's participation in politics and also in economic arenas; rather than creating an office for women’s affairs where all they talk about is how to throw parties to gain recognition and who does whose make-up for the occasion.

Just last week, in the famous Big Brother Nigerian Reality show, a housemate was evicted for initiating sexual intimacy with a female housemate who was drunk and fast asleep. His eviction raised an outcry. Some said it was just part of the game or fun in the house, others saw it as a predatory behaviour that could have lead to rape on national TV. The issue of how important it is to have a woman’s consent during sex became the topic of discussion for that period and that was a good thing for the women movement. Do you know in the case of HIV infection women are twice more likely to get infected than men due to physiological and social reasons? The truth is the average African has no idea what women’s rights are or what is considered acceptable conduct towards women.

photo credit: chevanon photography

If you doubt me, ask yourself, how many workplaces have exemptions for female employees? When businesses are formed, how many owners take into consideration that female workers may have to rest a lot more when they are pregnant or pick up their kids from school? How many incorporate a creche in their facility to help protect the woman’s interest while she is slaying on the job till work hours are over. Let's leave work and talk about the home. Our very own dear President Muhammadu Buhari made a comment that was top of all the news reports because it raised the issue of African men’s perception of women, “she belongs to my kitchen… and the other room”. I know he was trying to be funny but it was a really bad joke if you ask me. In Nigeria, women are still seen as simply homemakers and nothing more, expected to be silent when men speak and stand in the shadows when they rise. When they try to speak up they are met with verbal/physical abuse.

One of the reasons people were sceptical about voting for KOWA’s presidential candidate in the 2015 presidential elections was because she was a woman. “What does she know?” they cooed, “she should start from the bottom and work her way up”. Yet they saw nothing wrong with electing a man who couldn’t produce an accurate proof of his educational background. Another heartbreaking scenario in the fight against gender inequality is when other women take down fellow women. An example was the reaction of women to Toke Makinwa’s book, On Becoming. So many attacks on social media from ladies who felt she should not have said a word about the issues she faced in her marriage in public. If we continue down this path, we may not be redeemable in the next 169 years as speculated by World Economic Forum as the time where gender inequality issues would cease to exist.

So how do we promote women’s rights?


In September 2015, leaders from 193 countries came together and decided to set global goals to help put an end to climate change, poverty and gender inequality. Some of those goals included ensuring women with leadership abilities are given a fair chance in governance (politics and economics) and public life; eliminating different forms of domestic violence and discrimination against females and promoting the concept of shared responsibility within families. For instance, no more should a woman cross her leg and wait for the man to bring in all the 'bacon' when he clearly has been dealt a bad blow of unemployment for a long period of time. Woman, get off your butt and get a job. You both can't be sitting at home because you think it is the man’s responsibility to bring in the 'big green'. Cast your fears aside, use your education, skill, passion and whatever it is you have and go out there to hustle and fend for your family. It doesn't matter who the 'breadwinner' is as long as there is bread for all to eat.

There are four major ways anyone an act to empower women’s rights. You can choose to challenge bias and inequality wherever it raises its ugly head; speak out against violence to women, support women’s advancement in any field and or celebrate women’s achievements. How exactly can you do these? Well, if you want to challenge inequality, you can start by pointing out whenever women are excluded or whenever you sense a bias and proffer alternative solutions to the problem. Don’t just point a problem and think you’ve done enough, offer a solution. You can also challenge stereotyping, let people know it's not okay to generalise women or put them in a preconceived box. Some people advocate for boycotting male only speaking panel but just like Chris rock did when he hosted the Academy awards in 2015 during the heat of #BlackLivesMatter saga, I recommend you show up and address the issue if need be, just remember to have a solution to the problem before you speak.

photo credit: Pixabay

As for speaking out against violence, the first step is to report it or get involved. Don’t just turn a blind eye. I know it’s easier said than done but if you truly believe in women’s rights, you won't keep quiet when a fellow woman is being abused. You can organise group training or one-on-one sessions to teach youths about how to avoid negative relationships by helping them learn how to identify positive relationships. You can campaign for violence prevention or work with an NGO dedicated to that cause either by volunteering your services or financially empowering them to continue the good work they have begun. Last but not least is the need to abstain from all forms of violence. Live the life that you are preaching about.

You can also help the cause of empowering women by supporting women-owned businesses. These days, the government has made it possible for financial institutions to have loans and special grants for women. As a woman, key into that opportunity to get funds to build your business. If you already have a business, hire female employees (on merit, of course, not because they are women), create opportunities for them within your business. If you are the only woman on a committee and you know other women who are just as qualified to be in that committee or you know women who have ideas that would benefit the committee, speak up about them and help bring them in. Don’t be afraid to recommend a fellow sister for a job she is capable of handling.

You can decide, I want to mentor someone and pick a young lady with potential. Show her all the ropes and help her find where she belongs in life. If mentoring one person is too demanding, you can organize one-off group trainings to teach women a specific skill that could be a game changer economically for her and her family like beadmaking, soap making, bread making, how to make zobo, how to sell online, how to write proposals and apply for loans to execute a business idea she has, etc. If you are in a working environment with no consideration for women, bring that up during staff meetings. Ask questions, pose scenarios, offer useful advice that can be acted on if your observation is to be deliberated on by management.

The easiest way to key into this movement and fast-track the elimination of gender inequality is to celebrate women. Recently, an online news agency, Ynaija, celebrated Nigeria’s 100 influential women. I wasn’t on it but it does give women like me something to aspire towards. When you raise visibility for other women who are making a difference, you are making yourself a spokesperson in the media for the cause. You can choose to be behind the scenes and fight for fairer terms for recognising women’s contribution like Today’s Woman Magazine or Genevive Magazine who take stories of ordinary women’s struggles/achievements and put them on a platform for all to see. When you tell the journey of a woman, her challenges and how she overcame or when you hail the success of women leaders in different spheres of life, you are empowering women.


So the next time international women’s day comes around, you know what to celebrate and how you can actually celebrate it.

Friday, February 24, 2017

#TWH vs #TheQuilt


Many people misunderstand The Writers' Hub (#TWH) initiative directed towards secondary schools for The Quilt sales (my first printed Book). This is to set the record straight.

The Writers Hub Initiative (#TWH) began last year in May when I was planning to launch the printed copy of The Quilt. I decided to do something to inform children who are passionate about writing about the many career opportunities being a writer presents as well as the importance of reading regularly. Any observant Nigerian will know that the quality of English language spoken and written in the country is deteriorating, even university graduates have very poor use of the English. This yearning for students to become passionate about reading and English was echoed through the many Principals I met in person. I figured the best way to get people interested in English is by exposing them to something entertaining and informative like stories. That was how introducing The Quilt to secondary School students came about. The stories are written in clear simple sentences that make it an easy read.

While #TWH is directed towards improving the reading culture in secondary schools by making quality books available to their library and literary clubs (starting off with The Quilt, a collection of stories written by Me); it in no way means that The Quilt is a children's book.

Yes, it has a wide range of readership from 9-55years old, it is especially for young adults as well because the older we grow the less likely we are to read for leisure. One great way to ensure you are constantly reading is by reading short stories. They are easy to finish and can give you the satisfaction of accomplishment because you've read something worthwhile.
photo credit:@phenzy_jay

And what better way to hit reading milestones than to read a book with multiple stories in it. There are many books which do this but I will always recommend my book, The Quilt is a collection of short stories.

Hopefully, I'll be dropping more on this book and my other ebook, Being Mummy and Me (#BMandM) on my blog monthly.

The Quilt is on Okada books app and currently in London, Lagos, Warri and will be hitting the shores of Abuja this month.

Want one? Contact me via email at annesievoadje@gmail.com or on twitter, @annkite0. You can even send me a message on my facebook page or as an inbox to my facebook profile.

Friday, February 10, 2017

Talking Movies

It’s not everyday ‘goal smashing’ and ‘record-breaking’. Sometimes we need to take a break to relax our minds and souls. And the euphoria of forgetting your present just to be enraptured in a story is one of the great joys of living. Luckily we have people whose passion is to bring other people’s stories to life visually and this is what the movie industry represents… an opportunity to experience a moment in time; whether it is an intense emotional journey, a light-hearted moment of laughter/romance, a fictional world of horror and fear or even a walk through history and time.

I know, you could care less for this preamble but I say all these to say that just because a movie is recently released, doesn’t mean it’s not worth talking about. Every year tons of films are churned out around the world and sticking to latest blockbuster hits sometimes does no justice to all the other great movies that aren’t critically acclaimed. So I shall return back to my habit of sharing films that made an impression on me when I watched them. Starting now:


1.Moana -I’m a huge Disney fan but never has a song so caught my attention that it became the sole reason for hunting down a film. Well maybe this isn’t the first time but it’s a first for me since 2016. I kept seeing clips of the animation from Lira (a south African songstress)’s version of the main soundtrack titled How far I’ll go (which was sung by Auli’I Carvalho in the cartoon) and I kept longing to watch the film. Of course, I hate the cinema rush when a movie is just released so I didn’t go see it then. But watching it now, I’m just in so much awe of this animation. It dealt with a theme of identity, the search to find out who one is meant to be. From the love seeking Maui (voiced by The Rock/Dwayne Johnson) to the dumb chicken, Hay Hay, what’s not to love? Sometimes all we need is one supporter who believes in the road we’ve chosen to follow to allow our hearts roam free and enable us to do great things that can affect all of humanity. The pain of saying goodbye to the familiar just to embrace a calling on the inside while being filled with doubts/questions of if you are on the right path, resonated 100% with me. Then there was the original soundtrack by Mark Macina and all the songs co-written by Lin-Manuel Miranda and Opetaia Foa’i, and the diversity (culture of the lead character, Moana) that endeared it to me just the way watching Lilo and Stitch or Pocahontas felt the first time I watched it. If you haven’t seen this animation, please do, it’s really worth watching.


2. Non Stop - from the minute I saw Liam Neeson in mid-air on an airplane from the advert of this movie, I knew I would love it. In this movie an Alcoholic US Air Marshall (who happened to have had a bad turn in his life) boards a transatlantic flight from New York to London which is targeted by two guys trying to make a point, that security is an illusion because no one is truly safe because anything can happen at any time. Once again, it took one person believing in Bill Marks (the lead character) to help him solve the mystery, reveal the culprits and get everyone left out alive. Yes, I said left because a few people did die on the plane before he could get a handle on the situation (he killed one person because of his false suspicion), not to mention the bashing he got from the media. This 2014 Thriller/action film was #1 in the box office outwitting the Lego Movie and Son of God and exceeding its $50millon budget almost four times was rated moderately high by IMDb and Rotten tomatoes as above average. Although, I felt the presence of Lupita Nyong’o was unnecessary in the film because it was an insignificant character struggling for limelight attention. Nonetheless, it's a movie I won’t mind seeing more than once.


3.The Forest - when I chose to watch this 2016 film, I didn’t expect it to have a horror edge. I usually don’t check genres when watching a new movie. But from the first five minutes, I knew the film will play tricks on my mind. To be honest, Taylor Kinney was the main reason I watched this film (no offense to Natalie Dormer, she's also a great actress) because he has this look about him that is kind of suggestive. Although there was nothing unique per say about the film because it was quite predictable - even Rotten Tomatoes, IMDb and Metacritic websites rated it poorly - I loved the notion it portrayed, that when you allow sorrow or sadness into your heart, it gives room to more sinister thoughts to creep in which can lead you to do something life threatening to yourself. Plus I admit, I’m somewhat drawn to the supernatural film genre with psychological twists. So, two identical twin sisters go into Aoikigahara forest popularly known as a suicide forest (this forest actually exists in Japan and yes, people do go there to commit suicide), one to discover the mystery behind the forest and the other to find her twin which people say must be dead because no one who stays that long in the forest makes it out alive. So the question is, did they find each other or did only one of them make it out alive? Watch it and find out for yourself.


4. Boruto - As a Naruto fan, I felt his story was the ultimate, no other spin-off would be worthy of my attention. The first time my manga friends told me to read Boruto, I got bored in the first episode reliving Uzumaki Naruto’s initial Kage Bushin & Rasengan moves through his son who is also a Shinobi. It took me almost a year to get back to it but rather than read, I decided to watch the anime and I fell for it. It may not have all the highs and lows like the Naruto story like the death of Jiraiya or a sneak peak into Kushina and Minato (Naruto’s parents)’s life, but what it holds is a strong narrative of how we can take for granted the little joys of life. Boruto initially came off to me an entitled spoiled kid struggling against the preconceived notion that he was meant to take after his dad and grandad and become Hokage of Konoha. But in all fairness, he was just a kid looking for a way to know his father more, have his dad be proud of him and to have a normal life as one happy family without the burden of responsibilities his father’s job entailed. If you have trouble reading, I suggest you wear your glasses whenever you watch a subtitled anime because it does take a toll on your eyes eventually but it will worth your time.

Last but not least, I’d like to say farewell to an actor whose work I greatly respect. John Hurt. Some of you know him as Gandalf from Lord of the Rings and others as the voice of the dragon in the series Merlin. He has been on our screens for such a long time and now that he is gone I shall sorely miss him.

So what are you waiting for? Embrace the weekend by watching a great movie and do share the details of your recent favourite movies in the comment section. I look forward to hearing

It has been ages since I used this blog to write anything. This doesn't mean I haven't been writing. But rather, I have been writing...