My Birthday Dairies continued

so sorry i haven't been making more regular posts (apologies to my loyal followers and readers only), I've been so warped with work since August it's been heard to keep up. plus my birthday and wedding anniversary were this month as well and as is my custom, i get personal when i document my birthday dairy article/post. Initially i shared my birthday tale on my facebook page but due to lack of time, I've decided to share it here with you and work on a new post for November. so here it is: "Since 2009, I've had a string of rather unique birthday experiences which I compiled under my blog post 'My Birthday Dairy'. This year however seems to defy the trend. For the first time, I had no plans and very few expectations. At the end of the day, I had a filling brunch, watched an awesome movie, got a makeover, combined resources to give my church folks a treat after midweek service and had Chinese for dinner. in a romantic setting for two (Nathan was not part of our dinner plans) and had cake for dessert. Not to mention the love from family and friends. Rather than a weird combination of events that previously accompanied my birthdays, I had a simple sweet day. A celebration I would give an arm for. I call it my fun & love filled birthday. Lesson learned, Don't sweat the small stuff. Thanks to everyone who made my day." pictures coming up later. ciao.

LEADERSHIP 300: LEAD THE CHANGE

I firmly believe that leadership is not the exclusive right of people in positions of authority rather it is everyone’s responsibility. That is why when Benson Idahosa University (here in Benin City, Nigeria) began a Change Nigeria Seminar series on the 30th of August 2013, I didn’t think it strange that I should attend (with my baby of course; I don’t have a nanny yet).

The speaker for this event was the accomplished bestselling Author, Business Consultant and Motivational Speaker, Brian Tracy. He spoke so eloquently on a number of topics and trust your girl, I took notes like a secretary poised to transcribe all she heard into the creation of a book or into a publication. I’d like to share a few keynotes that made quite an impression on me (paraphrased of course).

“As you improve yourself, you improve the workings of society. The most valuable and rewarding work you can do is think. Thinking determines the quality of choices which in turn affects the results you produce. The most important part of attending seminars is the action you take i.e. what you do with what you’ve heard. When you take action towards your goal, you get feedback that allows you to self-correct; you get ideas (to make it better) and your confidence goes up. This is why some people are more creative about achieving their goals. When you take a step, it helps you see the next step and see ahead better. The 7 most important qualities for success include: Vision, Focus, Courage, Integrity, Responsibility, Communication and Network. Even if you have only one person looking up to you, you are a leader. As a leader, it is your responsibility to set and achieve your goals, to solve problems and make decisions. You have to lead by example, set the standard for everyone to emulate (e.g. be harder working than your subordinates, complete all your tasks, be punctual, etc) and perform effectively so as to get results. Results are everything and people who get results get respected.”

I didn’t get a chance, like a few people I know, to have a personal shot with Brian Tracy but I’m glad I was in the video coverage by NTA Benin, Silverbird Television and Iwo Media. The next seminar promises to be interesting as plans to get John C. Maxwell are well underway. I don’t intend to miss out on such an awesome seminar. I’ll leave you with a popular direct quote from Brian Tracy, “You are the architect of your own destiny; you are the master of your own fate; you are behind the steering wheel of your life. There are no limitations to what you can have, do or be. Except the limitation you place on yourself by your own thinking”.

THE JOY OF MOTHERHOOD

Every new mother has heard this clause before. I thought I knew what it meant until I delivered my cutie pie who by the way turned 6months old this month. Forgive me I can’t resist the urge to show you a picture of him now; looking more handsome and becoming full of his personality as his individuality shines through daily.

Ok, back to what I was saying. As the months rolled by I realized that it was the challenges of raising children that older women referred to as the ‘joy’ of motherhood. Being a new mum isn’t a very cheerful time and every time details of the process are discussed, third parties tend to chuckle and say, “That’s the joy of motherhood”, 'Really?', i always want to retort. How can the following be referred to as joyous? I’ll list a few of them and you’ll be the judge.

1. Sleep deprivation – Even now at six months it’s still an issue. You work so hard during the day taking care of him, doing chores, going back to work/building your career and just when you feel like you need a night break, hubby walks in with the little one to say, 'he woke up because he’s hungry, you need to feed him.' Initially they wake up to eat every 2 or 3 hours but as they grow older, it becomes at least twice a night between 10pm – 5 or 6am. Someone said if your baby doesn’t wake up at night something is wrong. I beg to differ. I’ll be ecstatic if he can only sleep for 8 - 9 hours at a stretch. Let’s not forget also when the baby gets his/her first exposure to the flu virus, cough or in this part of the world, malaria. The pain of watching your baby struggle to breathe or refuse to eat when you know he/she is hungry makes it hard for you, the mother, to sleep. For the first time, you discover that you can actually go for 24hours without sleep and not die.

2. Sore nipples – Some babies have trouble latching on well and that can cause injury to the mother’s nipples. Other times it’s just the amount of stress put on the nipple by using the wrong sized pump or poor method of expressing as well as from continuous feeding. Even when the baby starts growing older and developing teeth, he tends to bite the nipple as though it was the teeth of the feeding bottle; all in an attempt to scratch his gum. No matter the reason for this, it is painful and tend to make mums worry that they’ve contracted an infection (like thrush) that’s why the pain seems not to go away and when they ask for a solution all they are told is keep on breastfeeding, it’ll go away.

3. Puke pen – Every time he wants to regurgitate or he’s over fed, your body becomes his sink. No wonder most mums dress drag and drab when at home. At some stage, babies puke so much that it feels like there is no point trying to dress up or look good. It’s quite annoying when they puke on a dress you just washed and it escapes their own clothing. Sometimes the puke is so much that you conclude its vomit and call the doctor out of fear because you can’t wrap your head around why it’s happening so often. Once the puking phase is over, it is quickly replaced by the biting and spitting stage where your body becomes their chew toy to help relive their itchy gums. Bottom line, your body is no longer yours and they can do with it whatever they want whenever they want.

4. Fatigue – People say mothers who added enormous weight during pregnancy should shape up with exercises. What they don’t know is that caring for an infant is so exhausting that every free time available would rather be spent relaxing or trying to find some ‘me-time’. Naps become glorious and a little time to do what you love to do becomes absolutely necessary so you don’t begin to resent your baby or slump into post postpartum depression that can ruin your relationship with your spouse or other family members. Hollywood mums make it look so easy when they go back to work or photo shoots and show off hot post baby body but they never tell you the amount of help they needed to have in order to work those abs and look so perfect. For some women, their bodies shrink back and by 6months without exercise, their bellies are flat and their bodies great looking. For others, that’s just a dream that by 8months when their strength has returned and the routine of baby is more predictable, they can actually start working out intensively to get their bodies back. While for a minority of women, nothing they ever do can get them back to where they want to be because genetically, their physiological change was bound to happen after a certain age. So exercises will just wear them out, so they have to stick to low impact exercises just to maintain their health but where is the strength to even do that?

5. Change in diet – When babies move from milk to semi solids and solids, it can be very challenging because as a mum you have to cook a variety of foods to find out which the baby likes and acclimatises to. This can be a very stressful time especially when coupled with fatigue. Then you have to worry about keeping all his feeding utensils clean and sterilized so he doesn’t contract an infection in addition to adjusting back to your normal routines and hoping something you fed him with doesn't trigger an allergic reaction. As a mum, especially in Nigeria, delivery means change in your diet also. You move from regular foods to drinking corn custard (aka pap, akamu or ogi as known in our local dialects), hot cocoa tea and pepper soup with dried fish. As long as the meal is hot and liquid or semi liquid, it becomes your best meals for the first one month. Of course you want ice cream and chocolate, after all, you’ve eaten a veggie diet for months to ensure you don’t pack on more pounds than necessary but all that doesn’t count till your breast milk flow is established.

There are lots of things I could whine about that people refer to as the 'joys of motherhood' but in the end, I’ve discovered that it isn’t the trials of raising a child that is the joy of motherhood. It is the experience; the journey both mother and child share as the child comes into his own, that is the joy of motherhood. The ability to watch life develop within you, ticking the check list as your child progresses from one milestone to another as a healthy normal baby. It’s sharing in the wonder and amazement of your child as he/she takes in the world around them, the change the process births in you as a person, the sense of fulfillment you get from life just because one little baby reciprocates your feelings of love and the admiration expressed towards them. It is being part of those precious moments like their first smile, giggles, mouth tricks or even the look on their face when they taste something for the first time; when they discover their limbs, their first words, the deliberate show of intelligence. It is the look in their eyes as they longingly hang on every word you say because they love and trust you. When they grow into adolescents and young adults, it is sharing in their triumphs, comforting them in their moments of weakness, having them look up to you for advice in moments that define their lives, watching them build their own homes and come back to tell you thanks for being there through it all. Yes, these are the true joys of motherhood.

We may not all birth our own kids but we can still experience all these 'joys of motherhood' when we choose to look beyond ourselves and become a blessing to any child in need out there. Motherhood is a blessing and I won’t trade in this experience for the world.

Movie talk

So half of the year is already gone and with the frenzy to make meaning of our lives before the year ends, many of us have become too busy to kick off our shoes, relax on our couches and have ourselves a nice movie time. Yeah, some of you especially those in Lagos have visited the cinema different weekends but with the speed at which hit movies are being released coupled with our stagnant incomes and steep budget, you may not get the chance to watch certain entertaining movies. So here’s my bit in making your choice a lot easier.

1. White House Down – Besides the fact that Jamie Foxx played the president plus some of Channing Tatum’s character's choices were 'so Hollywood', this movie was an absolute delight to watch. It brought back a bit of the feeling I had watching Air force One (where Harrison Ford played the president hijacked in mid air). It had a perfect blend of emotional moments, comedy and action sequences. Unlike Olympus has Fallen which failed to capture my heart with its first scene (with the death of Ashley Judd), the realistically built white house set made this movie believable and Emily's bravery (played by Joey King) reminded me of why Journalists deserve respect.

2. The Purge – Sounds like a horror movie right? Well, it might not be freaky or paranormal in a horror sense but it redefined the definition of horror by posing a probable scenario – the dedication of 12 hours of one day in a whole year to legalize crime so as to ensure the society remains peaceful in the long run. It kinda reminds me of 30 Days of Night (starring Josh Hartnett) not necessarily in it's execution but in making me wonder what would happen if that scenario really did happen in modern times. Now whenever a movie seems plausible I’m going to be truly horrified. What really scared me about this movie was not the level of violence (because I didn’t consider it violent at all, just a bit too clichéd especially with Ethan Hawk as one of the lead character) but the thought that the heart of man is desperately wicked, who can know it? If all human beings were allowed to ‘cleanse’ their souls by acting out every negative imagination in their heart towards those who have hurt them one way or another, the world will truly be an inhabitable place to live. Thank God the actually possibility of legalized crime does not exist.

3. A Thousand Words – Eddie Murphy is back y’all but not in the capacity you remember him. He’s known for being a funny blabber mouth (remember he's the voice of Donkey in Shrek) and for the first time, he had to shut up and be funny. The idea alone made me want to watch this movie. This just reminds me of how flat Chris Tucker’s jokes were at the 2013 BET Awards, he and Chris Rock should be grateful to the likes of Eddie who paved the way for them in the movie industry. In the end the movie was all about learning to value your words, being deliberate about the choice of words you speak because in the multitude of words, sin is not far off.

4. Chasing Mavericks – In Nigeria surfing isn’t really a sport majority of the populace care about so it’s easy to understand if this movie holds no appeal. Just like Coach Carter, this movie is an inspirational tale based on the true story of Jay Moriarity, a young surfer, who achieved a historic milestone at the age of 16 and drowned in the Maldives 7 years later while free diving. This biographical drama released in 2012 shows the importance of mentorship; starring Gerald Butler as the mentor, Frosty, and Jonny Weston who played Jay in the movie. This film shows how through hard work and commitment, despite personal tragedy, dreams can be achieved.

5. Odd Thomas - I have never heard of Stephen Sommers before this movie but when I saw the sentence, ‘based on a novel by Dean Koontz’ I just knew this would be a great movie. Ever read the book or watched the movie, The Sphere? Yeah, he - Dean - did that. Back to Stephen Sommers, apparently he not only directed the movie, he also wrote the screenplay. The emotional ending was the most endearing part of this movie for me. The storyline was fantastic and for a paranormal freak like myself, I couldn’t help sitting at the edge of my seat with a big toothed grin as light hearted humour and narration kept the movie from being too dark and gloomy.

6. The Croods - This animation felt like a waste of time to me despite the fact that I understand they were trying a new angle; unlike Happy Feet 2 which was once again delightful though not as attention grabbing as its first installment. Yes, the Croods is visually stunning and the variation of species indicative of evolution has the hallmark of a true Dreamworks production. However, my beef was with the modern day American attitude and feel the characters had which to me made the whole primitive concept look weak, even though lots of critics praised it highly. Summary of my thoughts: Lovely message of adaptability, overcoming fear and letting go but not worth raving about.

There are so many more movies I've watched recently that i would have loved to talk about like Evil Dead, Red, Incerdible Burt Wonderstone, Looper, Lone Ranger, Justice League(The Flashpoint Paradox), oblivion, Man of Steel and Iron Man 3 just to name a few. Maybe my next review would simply be a couple of lines on each of these movies so I can cover much more. For more on my reviews, you can check me out on Rotten Tomatoes. Until then, do take out time to relax on weekends by watching a good movie. Chao!

Trendy Eyeglasses

Everyone’s rocking fashionable eye glasses which go very well with the semi-corporate trend showcased by musicians and celebrities like D’banj and Justin Timberlake. You probably know these retro glasses as Ray Ban but that’s actual a brand like your Gucci or Prada. To get in on the trend, you need one of the three distinct types of trendy glasses out there:

Aviator glasses – this sunshade’s dark & reflective convex lens with thin metal straps has been around for ages and still remains stylish. Not all aviators have dark shades, these days they come with a variety of coloured lenses as well as non-coloured lenses. Check out the likes of Angelina Jolie, Kanye West or even Huge Jackman.

Cat eye glasses - this sunglass has so many colourful versions, that it can range from playful to austere. It’s mostly sported by ladies like Katty Perry, Rihanna, Scarlet Johansson, etc. The most popular is the type worn by Kourtney Kardashian (hers is designed by Tom Ford).

Geek chick glasses – these glasses can make you look nerdy but in reality, it actually actuates your cheek bone structure. The lens can be transparent like the one used by Tinie Tempah, Ann Hathaway and other celebrities. the good thing about these types of glasses is they can embody both aviator and cateye frames just asl long as they make you look nerdy.

READAHOLIC

Motherhood has been quite engaging. My reading has suffered a bit but as one who loves to read, I just have to make out time to read a bit of something every day. Since a lot of you really enjoyed my first book review post, I decided to share this piece with you about the different ways to keep up with reading or shall I say the different things I indulge in to ensure I’m always reading. Here goes:

1. Manga - there are so many Japanese comics out there with great mixtures of genres which are released weekly like Bleach, One Piece, Freezing, Death note, etc. Although most of these are translated into anime, reading the comics online keeps you ahead of anime watchers in terms of catching up with the storyline. My favourites at the moment are Fairytail (which I’m like 3 episodes behind) and Naruto/Naruto Shippuden.

2. Audiobooks – recently I had the opportunity to download a free e-book by one of my favourite authors, Ted Dekker and I stumbled upon a link to the audio book. I downloaded but since my concentration was low, I never got past the first chapter for the first 3 weeks it was in my possession. One day, I determined in my mind that I would go the distance and in less than an hour I was through with the book and hungry for more. I would recommend this medium for book lovers who barely have time to read either hard or softcopy books. The book I read this way was titled Identity (the first book in the trilogy called Eyes Wide Open).

3. E-books – most books are now being converted into electronic versions as the world becomes more and more of a global village via the internet. The great part of this medium is the books are mostly free, featuring copies of the book that authors want general feedback on before going ahead to financially invest in Hardcopy production. To enjoy reading these books, its best to have an ebook reader, tab or a smartphone that allows you view pdf files on the go (sitting on your laptop can be a bore sometimes). You can also convert them to Word or Rich text format that can be accessed by your phones. The E-book I’m supposed to be reading is To Kill a Mocking Bird by Harper Lee but I just got For Days and a Night by Seun Odukoya which is much smaller in size.

4. Hardcopy books – for those of you like me who prefer to hold the book in your hand, this is your thing. Keep buying it even if it seems you’ve run out of storage space and do exchange them with other book lovers when you are done with them. That way you keep reading more genres and more work by other authors be it fiction or non-fiction, hard or paperback books. The hardback book I’m reading now is Illusion by Frank Peretti given to me by a book loving friend.

5. Online Articles, Blog posts, E-zines, etc. – usually of varying length, these tend to cover a variety of subject matter that create diversity in your reading life. I try to read at least one online article be it a link to a blog or news piece every day mostly using my Blackberry. Sometimes I would go to certain sites like Babycentre.com to read one article and end up reading like four or five pieces. Another way to access these is through twitter, most news agencies, magazines owners or bloggers tweet links to different articles. If you haven’t read any fiction piece I’ve written, check out this story I guest wrote on OTDamilola’s blog on rape http://t.co/goCfEi03vU. You can also follow my thoughts on current issues on my facebookpage www.facebook.com/LifeLoveAndAnythingGoes

Whatever you do, no matter the circumstances you find yourself, readaholics always keep on reading.

Shopping tips for fashionable items

Now I must confess, shopping is not one of my strong suits but that doesn’t mean every now and then I don’t indulge in a little splurge. The most popular reasons to shop for fashionable items is the need to feel a sense of pride, dignity and have ‘effizy’ among one’s peers. It’s a symbol of our financial status, to let everyone know “we’ve arrived”. For some people, the desire to overindulge comes from a need to cheer themselves up after having a bad day. For others, it’s simply to give themselves a treat; a little something for ‘me only’. Or it could be to celebrate ourselves as a consolation after a job well done when we’ve achieved a great feat in our careers.

But mainly in Nigeria, it is done to show that one has control of money and not the other way round especially after struggling with being ‘broke’ for so long. Plus, there is a need to feel a little bit irresponsible after being too careful about money.

There are different ways to shop; you can either go on a spree, for a steal, or shop comparatively.

STEAL
By steal I don’t mean going to raid a boutique. I’m simply referring to buying things – clothes, accessories, shoes etc – of high quality at cheaper prices. Getting great items at steal may a bit of hard work because if everyone knew how to, then most of us would be out of luck. So if you decide to go cross-country while looking for that item at a steal, well, good luck to you! It’s always better to be informed before you step out in your quest for a steal, that way you don’t expend too much energy and feel too exhausted to enjoy yourself. So it’s important to plan to:

Pamper your body with a little refreshment after your purchase. Even if you decide to go to a shopping mall, you’d still feel tired after checking out a few stores because the task of wondering from shop to shop can leave you mentally and physically exhausted as it is time consuming.

Make sure when you go shopping you take a friend along. It may seem financially burdensome but it’s necessary. It’s tons of fun to have someone ‘trip’ over your purchase. For you are looking for a great price for that quality stuff you need, go with a friend who can take you to where you can get great quality stuff at very low prices and praise you for your bargaining strength. This street-wise shopper knows when a purchase at a discount is a disadvantage to go for because another brand of that product of equal quality is cheaper... la, la, la. Bottom line, shopping is no fun when you are alone. If you doubt it then ask yourself why you need to run your purchase by the first person you see when you get back from shopping alone.

The Internet is also a good place to shop. You can use comparison search engines to check out prices and brands.

Now this leads me to another form of shopping.

COMPARATIVE SHOPPING
It involves not only comparing prices but also different brands of the same product like a Nike or All Stars sneaker. Here you can sample a variety of products by different manufacturers to determine which best suits your budget. I think the reasons for engaging in comparative shopping are pretty obvious and they act as guidelines for practicing this type of shopping.

Endeavour to get value for your money. This shopping allows you to buy only that which is necessary because the shopper is well within his/her financial capability. This enables the shopper to get value for his/her money’s worth and also to save a few extras for other expenses. Plus, the more the merrier, right? So you can say comparative shopping allows for variety of possessions with the illusion of abundance in the midst of little.

Bargain till the price is right. Sometimes comparative shopping is just as exciting a form of shopping as spree because your bargaining power is what allows you to feel on top of the world when you get stuff cheap or very cheated when you don’t.

SPREE
This is simply a carefree wanton spending or a pleasant outing in pursuit of enviable items. With a lot of cash to throw around, this form of shopping can be exceedingly fun-filled. In a case where cash inflow isn’t a limitation, most people are inclined to spree. So I think it is safe to say that a true shopping spree isn’t about one’s bargain power but about buying that ‘treasure’ for keeps. It’s the fact that you could get that TM Lewin or Thomas Pink shirt that you’ve been eye-ing or that Gucci or Louis Vuitton bag that you saw in Vogue magazine that makes spree very exciting. In which case, it is important that you:

Keep up with the trends. There’s nothing worse than spending a fortune on an outdated fashion item. Trends can be seen in fashion shows, articles/blogs or by following different fashion icons (TV presenters, movie/music stars) or designers’ lines. Even if your item is no longer in vogue, listening to fashion reporters can enable you learn how to combine your expensive piece with other items to enable you stay on trend.

Beyond the availability of cash, it’s a wonder what makes people choose one form of shopping over the other. Whatever form of shopping you decide to indulge in a spree, steal or comparative shopping, remember the main aim is to look good, so be satisfied with your purchase. This is coming from a convenience shopper. Over and out!