THE ISSUES WITH THE MISSING CHIBOK GIRLS

The #BringBackOurGirls campaign is still very much on and alive in Nigeria. This is not a social media stint. It is our reality. Since 2009, Boko Haram have killed no less than 6000 people, destroyed about 750 churches along with schools, vehicles and other properties including the UN national headquarters building in Abuja, and kidnapped more people than we can keep count of. For years the Nigerian populace has been praying for an end to this menace and the kidnapping of the chibok girls was the last straw that broke the camel’s back and sent series of protests all over the country that brought the attention of the international community. Since April 14th, 2014 hundreds of parents go to bed every night crying and wondering if they’ll ever see their daughters again.

Citizens have been and are still outraged at the government’s slow and seeming nonchalant response to this crisis. When the news of the kidnapping of over 200 Chibok secondary school students hit the media, Aso Rock never issued any statement or reacted in any way that showed the masses the Government’s stand on the issue. It was not until Oby Ezekwesili voiced the pain of the people during the International Bookfair held in Port Harcourt in the month of April that the hash tag (#BringBackOurGirls) campaign began. For once people could identify with pain of the affected families and know they were not alone in these feelings of outrage. United with one voice, they cried out in multiple protests in different parts of the country and asked to the government to do something to curtail the excesses of Boko Haram and rescue those innocent girls whose only objective before their abduction was to prepare for their WAEC exams in hopes of having a better future in a place where prosperity is a dream.

When our government finally reacted, it was with plans to set up a committee 4days later that will look into the matter of finding the #Chibokgirls instead of decisive action. Over the years, setting up of committees has become a way for government to pacify the people which usually meant the death of an issue rather than the solution the people seek/demand for. That is why that move did nothing to soothe the pains Nigerians over the issue and only further enrage us. People interpreted it as the President’s lack of concern for its citizenry. In her husband’s defense, the First Lady made a public spectacle of her pain 2weeks too late regarding the abduction and called for the enrollment records to be made available to verify the identity of the girls. Why didn’t anyone have the initiative to do that before she did? Rather than pacify Nigerians, her actions were interpreted as pretentious and insincere. Then came the Presidential chat with Channels TV News where Nigerians expected the President to address the huge media scandal this issue was causing worldwide for his administration. To our gross disappointment, his stance was more on highlighting the good his administration had done so far as well as promote the World Economic Summit to be held the following week in Abuja, just days after the 2nd bombing of Nyanya Bus park in Abuja. Once again Nigerians were infuriated, myself included.

Next on the list of atrocities held by the people against the government was the blame game and the casting of doubt - on if that many girls were actually kidnapped - by politicians claiming it was all a fabricated story, a smear tactic by opponents of the ruling party PDP (People’s Democratic Party) against GEJ’s administration. Desperate for answers, numerous civilians cried out for International News agencies to help inform people with investigative Journalism - which seems to be none existent in our news agencies as many were simply echoes of whoever first had the breaking news of the day - of what’s truly happening in the Country. They showed up and proved that the girls were actually kidnapped and nations around the world were more than willing to help rescue them as well as the origin and journey of Boko Haram from 2009 (way before the GEJ-Sambo administration) till date.

But with the intervention of the international community, a new dilemma arose. Initially Nigerians were afraid that the intervention of world powers like England, USA, France, China, etc would mean an end to our democracy via indirect colonization. America was the first to declare their intentions to assist our military not to take over and with time plus the release of detailed reports of their assistance, Nigerians minds were appeased. The new challenge we face now is the fact that it’s been well over 2months (73days to be precise) since the international community said they were intervening to help find the girls with promises to support our government and still no results, the girls have not yet been found or returned home to their families. Now we are asking, what is going on?

The Writing Process 'Blog Tour'

My friend Pamela Aboga ( blog: ChoWilson.wordpress.com. Nick name: Chocho) invited me to take part in it. I have no idea how it started and i hadn't heard of it prior to when our mutual friend Timendu invited her to join in. But after reading the links below, I felt it won’t hurt to join in. The blog tour is the electronic progeny of the old chain letter - where you used to receive a letter and have to pass it on to ten of your friends to make something wonderful happen- remember?

Anyway, This Blog Tour is a fun way of creating links between writers and perhaps introducing readers to authors they wouldn't otherwise come across.

The idea is, I post my answers to the four 'tour' questions on my blog the week after Chocho does hers. When I do, I name 3 other writers and give their links and bios, and later they post their answers on their blogs the following week. so here are my answers to the four questions about my writing process.

1) What am I working on?
Currently, I'm trying to keep up with my blog posts, writing school assignments, a graphic novel and raising funds to publish my book "The Quilt" in paperback. The Quilt is my collection of stories of different genres and themes. So far everyone's favourite is Tomi's Dairy and Erene's Plea (from Life behind the Family Portrait), which talks about about rape, hurting hurting-people and living in a broken home. A couple of other stories with a bit of dark undertone are The Sacrifice and Before the Tunnel. At the moment, it is available for sale on the Okadabooks.com app.

2) How does my work differ from others of its genre?
I've been told my work is an easy read. With so much going on in our world, i guess people like to escape into fictitious worlds but one not too complicated that they get lost trying to find their way. And in so doing, I find myself adding value to the lives of my readers as they embark on the journey through my eyes.
Honestly, I hate answering this question as well as "why should anyone want to read/buy your book?" because, I think it's very limiting/stereotyped. There are so many great writers out there that we'll never know because we stick to reading only what we are sure we are comfortable with. If only we would open our minds and explore different writers' works, we would find some amazing writers who aren't popular but equally have works that colour our lives.

3) Why do I write what I do?
There are just some experiences in life that take a hold of me and won't let go till I've penned them down. this isn't restricted to my fiction stories but also my non fiction pieces that I blog about. Plus, I have a 'darker side' that i fight with all the time but sometimes i can't deny it's presence and it tends to shine through my works of fiction. While i tend to tone down my emotions before i write, sometimes i find emotionally release from getting these stories and issues out of my heart.

4) How does my writing process work?
Well, call me an amateur but once i have a muse or get an inspiration, i usually plunge in and write till it's gone. I know i should draw up an outline but sometimes, that kills my momentum and makes it increasingly hard to get the first draft up and running. once the first draft is done, i tend to struggle to get the second and final draft. that's usually the phase where all the hard work really begins because the work has to be revised and edited till it is coherent and literally perfect. Thanks to wonderful friends who not only proof read my work but also critique it till it makes total sense, grammatically or developmentally, I'm usually able to get the finished product readable for your consumption.

Now you've heard my answers, here are my nominees for the next blog tour:

1. Ugochi Akwiwu - Ugochi is a smart, beautiful, tall, adventurous, fun loving but hardworking ibo girl who loves English, Writing, Editing and Travelling. She also seeks to change the world by adding value practically to those in her sphere of influence starting with one person at a time. Her blog is a positive delight (http://ugochiakwiwu.wordpress.com).

2. Tope Damilola Oyewusi - esoteric and full of variety, Dami is a dynamic writer that swings between God-centred pieces and fictional stories focused on female emancipation/empowerment. With lots of guest writers on her blog, you are sure to have an interesting read (see http://otdamilola.wordpress.com).

3. Isi Ehize - Isi is an inspired worship leader, writer, teacher of God's word and a certified fashion consultant. She is the creative director of shammys beautiful living with a skin care studio and clothing outlet currently operational in Lagos Nigeria. Her blogs are http://www.isidressforsuccess.com and www.isi-biblestudyseries.blogspot.com

#bringbackourgirls

So I know I have been really quiet this period and a lot of my readers have been checking in on me to see if I have written anything new. Really sorry about my silence. I lost my dad on April 16th, two days after the first Nyanya-Abuja bomb blast (you know the same motor part was bombed twice, with barely a week’s interval, right?) and the very day the Chibok girls were abducted. Loaded with grief for both my nation and personally, I found it hard to collect my thoughts into a coherent meaningful string of words that would say what needed to be said. In my grief I lost all hope but I’m thankful for twitter that allowed me express my pain publicly but still in anonymity.

By the time I had come to terms with my grief, the Nigerian women had decided enough is enough of the government’s nonchalant attitude towards the abduction especially with rumours of the girls being sold off as sex slaves, beaten and being raped repeatedly (link to youtube video of escaped girls recounting their ordeal). Nigerians were enraged because for years we’ve cried for an end to the attacks in the North-Eastern part of the Nation by Boko Haram as we lost churches, police stations, security personnel and families to senseless violence. Somehow all our prayers got answered and the international community was moved to act (with not only the 1.3million retweets for the #bringbackourgirls campaign but also the introduction of technology, intelligence and armed forces). Word has it that the masterminds of the Nyaya bomb blast had been apprehended by the Nigerian army with help from US Special forces. For more on the whole story, follow news agencies. My objective with this post and others to follow is to explain as an inside source what Nigerians are feeling based on the numerous pro and against GEJ information circulating around.

It goes without saying that this can’t be entirely done in one blog piece but I’ll try. First of all, you all know I am pro GEJ, not only because I voted him in but because for once I wanted to say I believe in my government despite their short comings. I applaud the transformation agenda but on the Boko Haram terrorism, just like many Nigerians, I have not been pleased. Before the protests, I spoke to a family member who was in the Nigerian military and what he told me about the plight of our armed forces in the North broke my heart. Tales of how emotionally drained and physically malnourished they were and how greed had caused their superiors to deprive them basic things like brand new uniforms (to cut cost old uniforms of deceased officers were being recycled) and high tech ammunition/arms (old poorly maintained AK-47 was being used by our military to fight radicals with brand new automatic rifles). So rather than say anything, i kept quiet and urged people to pray for Nigeria because the issues on ground involved God stepping in to bring deliverance. This i did through my facebook blog page.

I'm out of time now, the next time i'll tell you more about what led to this campaign and how Nigerians feel let down by their government despite all they've done to improve our nation and bring in foreign investment/attention with their transformation agenda and as seen in the World Economic Forum that still held last week.

5 WEIGHT LOSS CHEAT CODES

Losing weight with a hectic schedule and no gym time can be a bit of a hassle. After a hard day, we all just want to kick up our heels, flop on our sofas, relax and watch a good movie or TV program before sleep takes over. With early office resumption hours, it’s tough to fit in exercise routines into or mornings without encroaching on our much needed sleeping hours.

Under these circumstances, how does one actively work on losing weight? Easy! I call it, ‘cheat codes’. These methods are a cheat because they help you lose weight without feeling like you are working hard at it.

1. Breathing Exercises – These help your core and stomach muscles, that’s why even when working out, you are advised to not hold your breath but consciously work on breathing in and out. Here’s one you can do at any time of the day: deeply inhale while pulling in your stomach muscles and slowing exhale without releasing the muscles. Do this ten times and repeat this set of ten three times. I’m told this is a yoga technique.

2. Staying Active – Take time out to walk for seemingly long distances. When you get used to a particular distance, increase it. Brisk walk for at least 10mins daily covering at least one mile (1,604m) and watch the calories burn off. The faster your pace, the more calories you’ll burn. You can dance every chance you get, even if it means moving your body’s weight to musical rhythm from one foot to the other. Even when you are working on your computer, reading a book or watching TV, try to move your body by standing up occasionally, tapping your feet, doing leg crunches, pull ups, etc. and burn off the fat that would have accumulated from being stationary for too long a time. Any activity that increases your heart rate will help your body use up excess calories faster because your body’s metabolism increases as well.

3. Eating Right – The trick is to eat less foods with have high calories. You don’t need to stick to a three meals a day plan, learn to snack in-between meals on fruits and healthy snacks like plantain or sweet potato chips or nuts like walnut, cashew nut, etc. Cut down on processed, frozen and canned foods. Eat more home-made meals. Also you need to eat the right portions of food e.g. cut down your carbs intake (by carbs, I’m referring to carbohydrate-based meals like white bread, pastries, etc). Try eating your dinner before 8pm and snack whenever you get hungry afterwards. Sometimes what you think is a hunger pang might just be your body’s way of asking for water so be sure to drink water first before opting for a snack. Remember the saying, “Eat like a King in the morning, a Prince in the afternoon and a Pauper at night”? Well, it simply means eat your heaviest meals (like beans and akamu) in the morning and your lightest meals at night. This will prevent your body converting undigested meals into useless fats stored in your under arm, buttocks, abdomen, thighs, etc. This plan is to help you avoid over-eating the wrong foods.

4. Ambient Temperature Variation – When your body can’t keep up with the change in temperature outside your skin, it does two things: 1.Generates heat to keep warm or 2.Releases sweat to keep cool. How does this help you lose weight? Simple. When you work out in a hot room, you tend to sweat more because your body circulates more blood and the liquid portion of the blood gets sent to the sweat glands as a means of transferring internal heat out through sweat which becomes a container of heat that evaporates at the skin surface and cools the body. This translates into weight loss because you lose your water weight. The down side of this is your blood plasma volume reduces causing dehydration and it needs to be replaced by more in-take of water and electrolytes. A more effective weight loss with temperature variation is staying in a cold environment. Here’s why. With a cooler atmosphere, your body works harder using up body fats to produce heat to keep you warm. But be careful not to make this a habit because after a while, your body can adapt or stabilize and by then there won’t be any weight loss no matter how long you stay in that cold place.

5. Drink Water – So we can’t do without water, but how does this help us lose weight? Many ways. Drinking water can help you feel full and reduce your food consumption hence less calories eaten especially if you take it before after and during meals. Even drinking cold water can increase your energy expenditure rate because your body will work hard to warm the water as it goes into your system. The effect of this elevated metabolism shows up 10mins after drinking the cold water and peaks 30-40mins later. For water to be an effective weight loss tool, cut down salt/sodium intake as this tends to make your body retain water rather than release it through sweat or urination. Water lubricates joints which enable you exercise easily and helps to maintain muscle tone by assisting the muscles contract properly while exercising.

There are other cheat codes for losing weight but you must know that the results from using cheat codes are never instantaneous. So while they may seem like quick fixes, they actually aren’t, get ready for the long haul. They require consistency over a long period of time to yield results but rest assured that they do produce the much needed results. The easiest cheat method is simply having an active lifestyle and eating healthy always.

How to get a copy of My Fiction Book, The Quilt

Post by Life, Love and Anything Goes.

How to get a copy of My Book, The Quilt

Yes, you still need an android device to download the app but once you do, all you have to do is sign up to create an account to store any book you download from their store on the app. To pay for my book and any other book on the app, simply go to any GTB or Zenith Bank branch and pay in a small sum of money to OKADABOOKS LTD (Account nos. 0136442977 and 1013546499 respectively) and enjoy your ability to buy more than just my book from the site. Don't forget to include the email you registered with when you signed up for the okadabooks app under Remarks (for interbank transfer like Paypal/PAGA/Online banking with Nigerian bank accounts) to make sure your okadabooks account gets credited.

Still not interested in getting the ecopy of The Quilt in epub version? No biggie. Just share this info with anyone interested in reading digital books. then you can inbox me your email address on facebook so i can add you to my mailing list and give you updates on the contents of the book and when the book will be available in Paper back.

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6 COMMON MISTAKES WOMEN MAKE IN MARRIAGE

Marriage is meant to be a lifelong institution which one should only remove oneself from by being dead or divorced (due to infidelity or cruelty of an unrepentant partner). Yet it’s amazing how many young people seem unprepared for the hard work it takes to maintain one’s marital home. Hence when they marry, they find themselves making poor decisions because the lacked the basic understanding of what marriage is about and why they chose to get married to that particular person. Rather than playing the blame game, let’s identify some areas in which women who have faulty marital foundation tend to make mistakes and proffer some solutions worth trying.

1. The ‘Babe’ syndrome – Some women get so comfortable with crossing the hurdle of having a partner (who swore to love them for life despite the changes in life) that they feel they don’t need to try too hard to keep their men. Ask yourself, when you were a hot single lady, what were the things you did that attracted the man of your dreams to you? Are you still doing them? Many make excuses that having kids makes it hard for them to pamper themselves or splurge on themselves so they become lazy in the beauty and health department and lose their figure.
Solution:- To remain a ‘babe’ in spite of the aging process, maintain those positive attributes you had while single that drew your spouse to you. A friend of mine calls it, strengthening your strengths. Take time out to ‘work out’, dress well (even if you are at home all day) and look good. As a mother, find that balance between being a mother to your kids and a wife to your spouse and ensure both of their needs are met even if it means foregoing some chores. Make yourself happy; don’t put the burden of your happiness on your spouse. Before you met him, you were responsible for your happiness and you need to continue to do so.

2. Accepting the ‘weaker vessel’ syndrome – Women are in no way inferior to men so suddenly abandoning your career drive or self improvement ventures because you got married is as good as saying, you need to be redundant for your husband to feel in control. Even if your spouse asserts his dominance by refusing your ability to ascend mentally, either by furthering your education or pursuing a career, that is still no reason to become laid back to the point of mental incompatibility with your mate.
Solution:- Build yourself up by reading books, engaging in informative discussions, hang around people who are constantly in pursuit of knowledge and watch relevant TV programs that will encourage you to be objective about issues. Men are logical beings so you need to appeal to their sense of logic by being armed with quality information, this will make you an indispensable asset to them.

3. Fighting the Mother In-law – Not all mother in-laws are evil, even the ones with the best intentions can sometimes get on your nerve and that can cause dissension. Sometimes, difference in upbringing preferences especially during ‘Omugwo’ (the three months after delivery when your mom in-law comes over) can cause your husband to feel like he needs to take sides for peace to reign. This in no way helps the unity and harmony needed in home.
Solution:- Treat her with respect (if not for her, you probably won’t have your hubby), honour her even if she doesn’t like you and apply wisdom when relating with her. Never attack her verbally or physically regardless of who provoked who. Choose how you respond to her; don’t react to anything negative she does. Praise her, acknowledge her input and appreciate her knowledge. Be careful with the choice of words you use when discussing her to your husband especially if you are pointing out her flaws. Pray for her and commit your relationship with her to God.

4. Seeking to change Hubby – If you married him because of whom or what you expected him to become over time, you may be sorely disappointed. Don’t also expect that his personality or preference won’t evolve over time because it’ll shock you when it does. This is not to say you shouldn’t embrace the potential of who he can become with time. It is simply a warning about not being overly content or ambitious with the man you married. Even if he will change to become what you wish him to be, he’ll do so on his own terms, in his own time and not because you want him to be.
Solution:- Be patient with your spouse. Make sure you have the right perception of him and be willing to evolve with him however form the evolution might take. Make sure you have the right perception of him and be willing to be content with your man’s present state while aspiring for him to be more. Gently nudge him in the direction you wish him to go, make suggestions and watch him make the choice to listen to do what you said on his own.

5. Punishing Hubby with sexual abstinence – Most men love sex so much, they would have it every day if possible except when they are tired, hurt, hungry, or scared of rejection or poor performance. If you weren’t ready for regular sex, why did you get married? Didn’t you know it was part of the vows you took to endow him with your body? There are many reasons why ladies refuse to have sex with their spouses, it could be they are angry with him, having hormonal issues, are tired mentally or physically, don’t find themselves worthy of his love, are sexually unsatisfied with the whole sex experience or are scared that the way he was in bed wasn’t what they were normally used to and it could probably be because of something he isn’t telling them.
Solution:- Rather than deny him sex, talk to him about whatever it is that is holding you back. If you have unresolved issues and makeup sex doesn’t work for you, spend time with him resolving and put your mind back in the right frame for your body to respond to him. Understand that sex for a man is sometimes more than just intimacy with you or pleasure for him; it could be a way of reassuring himself that he’s not a failure (especially if he feels defeated in any sphere of his life) or comforting himself when he feels down. If you are tired, try communicating it with him and promise to give him a treat soon, make sure you are the one who initiates sex after turning him down.

6. Comparing your spouse with others – Some women have the challenge of comparing their husbands with their ex either in financial, sexual or other matters. Some point to other husbands and families and say, “See what your mates are doing. You dey here dey slack.” This ought not to be. What is good for the goose may not be good for the gander. While you think you might be challenging him to take on more responsibility, you are actually destroying his ego, attacking his identity, disrespecting him or under-appreciating all the good things he does for you.
Solution:- If you like something that someone else is doing, rather than pointing fingers, you can make it a suggestion, “honey why don’t you try doing this and this every once in a while, I’ll really appreciate it.” Try to understand your men’s strengths and weaknesses, his style of communication and his personality then relate to him on that basis. If you won’t like to feel inadequate as a person, don’t do same to your hubby by comparing with someone else.

Now you know, be wiser in your approach to marriage.

Teenagers and Money

I wrote this piece for a magazine that was exclusively printed for a select few. So enjoy:

Being young is fun especially if you are lucky enough to have uncles and aunties who give you money whenever they come to visit or if your parents give you an allowance regularly. It is important however to start learning financial accountability; not because your parents expect you to but because it makes you know how every kobo received was spent. So here are a few tips to help you make the most of the money you receive:-

 Give 10% to God. One good way to ensure your money never runs dry is by paying your tithe. A tithe is a spiritual act that tells God you are grateful that He gave you the money in the first place. It’s the first thing you should do when you get an allowance; it motivates God to give you much more.

 Write down ALL transactions. It’s important to write down not only how much money you received and when but also what you spent it on, how much it was and when you spent it. This way you’ll have a record of all your spending decisions and be better able to improve how you spend.

 Be a smart shopper. Moms are the best buddies when it comes to buying things at least expensive prices so tag along whenever your mom goes shopping or offer to assist her buy things like recharge cards, grocery etc. That way you’ll know how much things cost and where you can get the best deal for your money’s worth.

 Invest. Another way to make sure you never run out of money is to look for opportunities that increase the money you have. Buy something you can sell that you know your classmates will want to pay for e.g. Pencils or erasers or even biros. Tell them about it and make sure you collect the money before giving them the goods.

 Save, save, save. Whenever you receive money, always put aside an amount you won’t touch until absolutely necessary. You could save up for a project like tickets to the cinema once a month. Don’t carry around all the money you have because you’ll be tempted to spend it all at once. Break up your money into bits and promise yourself you won’t spend more than a particular amount. That way the day you aren’t given an allowance, you can actually have some money to fall back on (your savings).

There’s so much to learn when it comes to handling money. Many adults are still learning about it, so go easy on yourself, one day you’ll get it right. It takes great practise to become great with money but once you do, you can handle any monetary twists and turns.